The Shannon Scramble

 

What a week! Last Monday, in 90 degree heat, 150 family and friends showed up for the Shannon Scramble. Some played, some volunteered but all of them helped us put on our first golf tournament in four years, and it all went better than expected.

Erin was able to come home for the weekend which was a huge bonus for me and Dan to have her with us to celebrate 10 years of the Shannon O'Hara Foundation. She even made the local news as they came out to do a story on the event! 

Shannon O'Hara Foundation Celebrates 10 Years with Shannon Scramble

As I drove around and talked to the foursomes, I was struck by the different tentacles that Shannon and the foundation have created. 

There were Shannon's friends and classmates, now working adults who are getting married.

There were Erin's classmates and their families, who may not have known Shannon, but were part of our journey because they showed up to support Erin and us after the loss of her sister.

There were Dan's colleagues, my friends and both of our families. There were our SOF board members. There were people from the hockey community. There were former scholarship winners, back home to take part. 

And there was Dr. Richard Vile, who came to speak at the dinner about the difference Shannon continues to make. Shannon's tumor cells live on in the lab and are helping move research forward. Here's a recent news story about the immunotherapy approach that's showing some promise:

Mayo Clinic researchers load CAR-T cells with oncolytic virus to treat solid cancer tumors

All of us involved are trying to honor Shannon's wish that her life would matter.

To say we feel loved and supported is an understatement. The money raised — $15,000 — is important to the mission. But just as important is the reminder that people are good and kind.

The t-shirt we gave away at the event was a reminder of how Shannon lived and a sentiment we need now more than ever: "Be a good teammate."

Shannon would be turning 24 this week. She isn't here to celebrate, but we did our best to celebrate her and her memory last week with 150 others who help us carry on.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to all.  Dan is relatively recovered from a recent bout with COVID (his first!) and this edition of Father's Day includes playing golf, watching golf, and packing for another week away from home. His job still requires weekly travel, and that is less appealing in his very late 50's!

While Erin is not home on this Father's Day, we did get to spend 4 days with her last week as she graduated from Drexel. We had gorgeous weather and got to drop into her world for a few days. It's amazing to see how she's grown after four years of living away from home. She's surrounded by a great group of people and they are ready to close the book on this chapter and look to what's next. What more could a father (or mother) want than to see their child happy and progressing forward with their dreams. 

As is true with all of life's occasions, our trio celebrated and shared the joy that is always buffered with a bit of sadness. The past month - Mother's Day, Father's Day, graduation - have given us many moments to reflect on the what if... 

We all recognize that part of who we are now is because Shannon isn't here. Our lives surely would have taken a different path if Shannon hadn't gotten cancer. Erin felt this so acutely as she finished her time at Drexel... would she have gone to Philadelphia if Shannon had gone to college before her? Would Dan and I have been willing to let her go so far away? Would she be pursuing medicine if she hadn't been exposed to it when Shannon got sick? 

The what ifs are hard, so our job is to view it through a different lens. Dan, Erin and I each carry Shannon with us and incorporate the loss into what our lives look like now. It's a complicated feeling to know that we are better people in some ways because Shannon is gone. That loss focused us on what's really important and allows us to give ourselves grace when we need it. 

We couldn't be prouder of Erin and the hard work she's put in to succeeding in school... and life. She's expanded her world, and more growth is ahead as she heads to PA school this fall, staying in her adopted city.  

Dan and I are now busy prepping for the SOF golf tournament and also excited for a trip to cabin for some fun with friends. 

Lake Hubert will always be linked with happy times with Shannon and Erin. Those girls loved spending time with their silly dad making up silly games and spending hours in the water with them. 

Happy Father's Day, Dan. Shannon and Erin got lucky...

Shannon Scramble Returns

Three months have flown by since I last blogged, and we've covered some ground. 

Dan and I spent January and February in and out of hockey rinks at various foundation events including Hockey Day MN, The Shannon Cup, and our SOF scholarship night. Dan and I always find ourselves exhausted at the end of it, but so appreciative of the love and support we receive at these events. We feel so much gratitude for the chance to continue sharing Shannon's story and and connecting with others because of it. While it is hard work hauling boxes in and out of Graham Arena in the dead of winter, the chance to share Shannon's spirit with others makes it all worthwhile.

If January and February were about the SOF, March and April have been about Erin. In the past two months, Erin has finished her undergrad degree, decided on a PA program, started a summer nanny job, and finally turned 21! 

Erin graduated with honors from Drexel with her B.S. in Health Sciences and a minor in Public Health and will start PA school at Salus University (located just outside Philly) in August. Dan and I will head to Philly in June to see Erin walk at graduation. Erin's spring/summer job is taking care of a 5 month old baby, which is a nice chance from working in an elder care setting. Erin said wiping a baby butt is way better than wiping old people's butts! Hard to argue with that.

We talk so much about what Shannon taught us, but I know I there are lessons to be learned from Erin, too. She took a leap to move out east and go to a school where no one knew her or her story. She made her own path, made good friends who feel like sisters, and accomplished her goal of getting in to PA school. She has lived in the shadow of her brave sister, but Erin is brave, too. This momma is so proud.

Now our attention turns to planning the next SOF event. Despite the weather outside, it is spring and we are thinking summer!

We are very excited to be bringing back the foundation golf tournament on July 18th after a three year hiatus. The venue is moving to our home course, Willow Creek, but the format remains: a four person scramble, open to golfers of all abilities. The entry fee covers golf, cart, dinner and a chance to win prizes. 

We've already filled about half of the spots, but there's still room if you and your team can join us. Registration is open on the SOF website.

If you are interested in being a sponsor or donating to the raffle, please get in touch: info@shannonoharafoundation.org.

We can't wait to celebrate 10 years of the SOF at the Shannon Scramble!

10 Years On

Yet another anniversary, another marker in time...

Ten years ago today, Shannon left us. I hate that it's been so long since I saw her face or heard her laugh. But time does not stop and you have no choice but to move forward, even if you don't move on. And if I'm honest, I don't want to move on from a time when Shannon was here.

We have just finished the holiday season and Dan and I enjoyed having Erin home for 10 days. We visited family and friends, binge watched Ted Lasso, and talked about what's ahead in 2022. The holidays will never be "perfect"... whatever the hell that means. Every celebratory thing in our lives will always have a little empty space in it. After 10 years, I have come to accept that. But we talked about Shannon and shared memories with both our families, and hearing her name said out loud feels good.

Erin is in the midst of interviewing for physician assistant schools, and she said she now realizes that everyone who is pursuing a career in medicine has their own inspiration. Her story is sadder than some, but facing illness and uncertainty is not unique to her or us. She reminded us that everyone has a story.

Dan and I had the chance to recount our story recently. The Shannon O'Hara Foundation is partnering with the Minnesota Wild and will expand our scholarship offerings to include the high school teams playing in Hockey Day Minnesota. As a part of this endeavor, Bally Sports North came down to Rochester and did an interview about the SOF. The story will air during the Hockey Day MN broadcast.

The producer interviewing us asked us to reflect on who Shannon was, and after the interview, Dan and I got to talking about how we don't often reflect back on who we were before Shannon got sick. We were so typical, so normal, so naive.

I say naive not because we weren't aware of the idea of death or loss or illness. But one day you are living your life, raising two girls who you plan to see grow up, and then everything changes, and you have to recalibrate. 

I knew I would need to adjust to new normals during Shannon's cancer journey and immediately after her death. I knew that birthdays and anniversaries and other markers of time would be hard. But I didn't know that 10 years on, grief would remain in the way that it does. 

"Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it." - Joan Didion

After 10 years, the intense sadness of immediate loss is gone. But the little reminders of what is missing, of what I thought my life would be, of what the future no longer includes... those are the pieces of my grief now.

My life is good, my life is full, my life is happy. But my life is not the one I planned when a little brown-eyed girl made me a mom for the first time. And that I feel poignantly today.

Most days, we take that sadness and loss and use it as fuel to try and do our part to make the world better, often through the work of the SOF. And that feels good. But it doesn't fill the hole that Shannon left. 

And 10 years on, I realize I don't want the hole filled in. The hole is the space where Shannon still lives in me, with me. I can feel it, especially on a day like today.

A new year brings renewal and new chances to grow and improve. Shannon didn't get many years, but her life reminds me to make the most of mine.

Thanksgiving 2021

Happy Thanksgiving to all our family, friends, and followers! 

For the 6th time since Shannon passed, we are spending Thanksgiving in Palm Desert, CA with our friends, soaking up some sun, playing golf, and giving thanks for all we have. 

Erin is here with me and Dan, along with our friends Tom, Kula and Ariana Shives. The first time we came here for Thanksgiving, we were all living in Rochester and saw each other often. Now, we live in 4 different states and our times together are less frequent, but the friendship remains. 

While 2021 continues to be a difficult time for our world in many ways, we take some time today to give thanks for all that we have. 

Dan, Erin and I are healthy. We are employed. Erin will graduate from college in March and has been accepted to Physician Assistant school starting in 2022, so we are celebrating that achievement this weekend!

We are thankful for our families and today we remember Ed O'Hara who we lost this year at age 97. What a life of laughter he lived. 

We are thankful for the many friends who fill our lives with fun when possible and support when needed.

I am thankful for Dan, my partner through life as we grow older together. 

And, of course, we are thankful for Shannon. Thankful for the time we had with her and the things she taught us. 

Her light continues to shine on us as we carry on living. The hole in our hearts and lives remains, but we have much for which to be thankful. We know she'd want us to be happy. We are.

I hope each of you is surrounded today by love and laughter. Happy Thanksgiving.

Oct. 10, 2021

 Months have passed since I last wrote. No particular reason, just life filling up my days...

I have been sticking with my goal of "traveling" somewhere each month in 2021. I use the term "traveling" loosely... it just means being somewhere other than a Zoom meeting at my desk in Rochester!

In August, our travels were our typical week at Lake Hubert. We were lucky that Erin's work schedule in Philly allowed her to come with us again this year. I know there will be a time where her life doesn't allow for a trip to Lake Hubert, but so far she's managed to make it happen 20 years in a row.

Miss E had a good summer working in Philly and has now started classes again. She's a senior in college and will be done a quarter early, finishing in March. How did that happen? Right now the days sometimes go slow, but the years go fast...

Dan and I continue to share a home office, which works well most days. After 20 months, of exclusively working from home, I definitely have some Zoom fatigue. Many days have 5 or more hours staring at the little boxes on my screen. Thank goodness my watch which reminds me to stand up every hour!

But, I am still grateful for a job I like most days.

I'm now in my last semester of grad school and will receive my master's degree in Strategic Communication and Innovation and a grad certificate in Advanced Digital Media in December. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!

Dan's job has resumed a little more normal schedule that includes weekly travel again. He is fully vaccinated and takes precautions and so far we have been lucky to stay healthy and keep COVID at bay. I hope we make it to the other side of this pandemic soon.

My travel in September was tagging along on Dan's work trip. We made our way to South Dakota and hiked in the Badlands. We had visited once with Shannon and Erin when they were little, but didn't hike much then. This time, we hiked "The Notch", which requires climbing up a rope ladder and isn't recommended for people who are afraid of heights. I'm happy to say I survived.

We then went on to Devil's Tower National Monument in Wyoming. It was definitely worth the trip.

Visiting more National Parks is on our bucket list, and I'm already plotting where we might go next year.

Our October travels will take us to Philadelphia for a quick visit to see Erin. She's busy with school, club volleyball, and sorority activities, but she promises to let us buy her and her roommates dinner. It's always good to see our kid in her natural habitat.

With fall upon us and winter to follow, we're excited about what's ahead with the Shannon O'Hara Foundation. We are doing a website redesign, ordering new merchandise, and prepping for upcoming hockey events. We're looking at new avenues to expand and fund more scholarships, so stay tuned.

All is well with Team O'Hara. I hope the same is true for you and yours.

10 Birthdays

For the 10th time, Shannon is not here on this earth with us to celebrate her birthday. She would be 23 today. A decade of missed celebrations.

I miss her spunk and her spirit. I miss her laugh and her smile.

I wish I could know her as a young adult, finding her way in this world. 

I see her friends and classmates graduating college, getting married, even having babies. Just imagine...

Time doesn't heal this wound, and the grief doesn't end. 

But the loss of Shannon prompts us to go forth and expand our worlds to ease the pain of the incredible loss. We grow with our grief... and because of it...

We surround ourselves with those who say her name and allow us to share our memories. We work to spread her spirit and do some good in her memory.

We loved her for the 13 years we had her here with us, and we've loved her every day in the 10 years since.

Happy birthday, Shannon.