Thursday March 24, 2016

This is what the start of the HS golf season looks like... gotta love Minnesota. Schools are closed here in Rochester and surrounding areas today as we received about 10 inches of snow in the last twelve hours. It won't last long this time of year, but it's a bit of a setback considering Erin and I played golf on Tuesday...

We did manage to have our first meeting for the Mayo Girls Golf team and I'm excited for another year. We've got 31 girls out this year and a good mix of returning players and new girls. Many of these seniors started as seventh graders with Shannon...

Life has been throwing us a few curveballs lately, but we're hanging on and trying to get to spring break. We will be traveling this year with my whole family - my mom, dad, my brother Eric and his wife and kids. 2016 brings my parents 50th wedding anniversary, and my parents are taking us all on a cruise to the Bahamas. Dan and I have never been on a cruise, so it will be a new experience for us. A little Caribbean sun sounds pretty good considering the scene outside my window...

So, we'll soldier on and get through this last (hopefully) bout of snow. At least we get to stay home in our PJ's all day today!

Friday March 18, 2016

Some days you're the windshield and some days you're the bug... yesterday, Team O'Hara got squished...

After busy and stressful work days for both me and Dan, we were looking forward to a night with the Cannons - Shannon's old hockey buddies and their families. The 2012-2013 U14B team was finally being honored last night for winning a MN Youth Hockey state championship.

The plan was a banner-raising celebration at Graham Arena, followed by an after party. We didn't make it that far...

It was great to see these girls and their parents. Shannon loved them and we do, too. They journeyed with us every step of the way. But the event we were celebrating last night was a part of the after. They named their team the Cannons in Shannon's memory and they played on without her, just as they should.

Seeing these 16, 17, 18 year old girls all grown up just got to us last night. Dan and I couldn't keep it together. Looking up at that banner with the winged 9 logo on it was just hard yesterday. St. Patrick's Day and we were missing our little Irish girl.Winning a state championship is the pinnacle of youth hockey. Oh, how she would have loved to be a part of that team and have that experience with those girls.

So, yesterday wasn't our best day. Some days it just gets you. That's part of life in the after. We came home and talked and laughed and cried, just three three of us. We soothed our souls with fried chicken and ice cream. We're doing the best we can, and some days are just better than others. We're up today and trying again...

Monday March 15, 2016

I am writing from seat 21C on a Sun Country jet, bringing me home to Minnesota. My skin is sun-kissed and my heart is full from time with my girlfriends. 

This girls getaway started in 2013 when the loss of Shannon brought me this group of women who got me out there to play tennis and to show me that I was going to be able to laugh again. 

In the year after Shannon passed, my friends Kula, Kay and Sue got me out on the court once a week and it was fun and easy. When Kay was planning her vacation that spring, she invited the three of us along. So, the tennis trips began.

We returned to Jekyll in 2014 and then last year, Kay kicked it up a notch and rented a house in Palm Springs. Now, not only do we play tennis, we go and watch the professional men and women play at Indian Wells. For a bunch of tennis-loving women, this is heaven.

When we weren’t playing or watching tennis, we were drinking coffee or beer by the pool. Good conversation, good laughs, good friends.

This year, we returned to Palm Springs, but our group was slightly different. Kula is in the middle of her chemo treatments. She completed the 12 weeks of weekly chemo and this week bring the  next phase. Different stronger chemo that will be administered every other week for 8 weeks.

Kula is staying close to home these days, so no trip to the desert in 2016 for her. Our friend Jeannie joined us this year, and it was a great fit. Jeannie is fun and easy to travel with. I really enjoyed getting to know her better. She got to hear some Shannon stories, some of them for the first time. I still love introducing someone new to my children…

Kula was a trooper, sending us texts and asking us who we were watching at the tournament. We did our best to stay in touch with her, without making her think too hard about what she was missing. Damn, we are going to have to take a kick-ass girls trip when Kula is all finished with her treatments.

Dan and Erin somehow managed without me. The had nice weather while I was gone and they were able to get out on the golf course. The high school golf season is just around the corner. I can’t wait…

I took a minute today to look up at that blue sky and thank my girl. Shannon showed me what matters in life - it’s the people. I have these wonderful women in my life, and in so many ways, I have Shannon to thank for that. A gift, for sure.

Saturday March 5, 2016

My mind is wandering today... to warmer climates... luckily for me, I leave on Thursday for a girls trip to Palm Springs. We will play tennis, watch the pros and solve some of life's problems. Grateful for my girlfriends...

I've been thinking a lot about relationships this week. This girl's trip usually involves my friend, Kula. She won't be going with us this time as she's in the middle of her chemotherapy treatments. Damn, I will miss her.

Erin and I did get some Kula time this week - we played hooky Thursday afternoon and went to the Mall of America for some spring clothes shopping. Kula was excited to get out of the house and Erin was excited to have her 2nd mom along. Shopping with two moms is even better than one, if you know what I mean... American Express thinks so, too...

We had some good laughs, some of which were at my expense. See, in case you didn't know, I like to be in control. That means, I drive, I choose where we park. Well, Kula requested (some might say demanded) that we park in her usual spot. Since she's got cancer, I couldn't refuse... Erin and Kula loved laughing at my lack of flexibility.

Yes, we laugh about playing the "cancer card". It's a perk that's not worth the trade-off, but you might as well play it if you have it.

These relationships in our lives that make us laugh and smile and not be embarrassed about our shortcomings are what makes life worth living. I watch Erin now widening her social circles, and hope that she's learned that love and kindness are what matters. She must be a good friend, because she has lots of them. She's not into drama, and that puts her in the minority when it comes to teenage girls. I think she's learned the hard way what's of real importance and what's not worth your time...

I had an encounter with a woman this week whose daughter was a friend of Shannon's. This woman took the time to remember Shannon and the kindness she showed. She remembered how inclusive Shannon was when her daughter was new to the group. So nice to hear nice things about your children. That doesn't change, even if they are no longer of this earth...

So, I find myself feeling lucky today. Lucky to have good friends, lucky that my daughters also see(saw) the importance of kindness to others. In the end, that's all that matters. Here's my all-time favorite quote. It makes me think of Shannon every time I hear it:

"I've learned that people will forget what you've said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou

Tuesday March 1, 2016

March... ahhh...

March is the signal of spring, even though we are getting a couple of inches of snow today. Warmer temps are just around the corner and golf season is not too far away. Golf season makes all of us happy...

Erin continues to juggle all of her activities - academic, athletic and social. March and April bring some of her busiest months as she tries to finish the off-season volleyball schedule and being the HS golf schedule.

I realize I am going to have to be more efficient at my own job in order to have time to coach golf again this spring. I can do it...

Dan is off to SD this week. He continues to hit the road every week and still seems to be enjoying it. He still gets pumped up about making a big sale...

So, that's the status of life around here. I am grateful to be where we are now in our journey. It's not perfect, but life isn't perfect. It's about riding the ups and downs and gaining wisdom along the way.

Another child in our community was lost to a DIPG brain tumor yesterday. Dammit. That news is what's making me reflective this morning - thinking about where we've been and where we find ourselves today.

I'm grateful to be running a foundation in Shannon's memory. It helps us continue to give meaning to her life.

I'm grateful for a spouse who continues to ride this wave with me. Up or down, we are in it together.

I'm grateful that Erin is succeeding, despite everything she's been through. If scar tissue strengthens you, she is one strong girl. She is still learning what life looks like after Shannon. We all are. Erin is not yet 15, but she knows so much already. Love that kid.

We carry on, like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece. Mostly complete, but never the same.

Today I am thinking about another family starting this journey of grief and loss. Life is unpredictable, and sometimes harsh. I hope they can find comfort and joy along the way. There is beauty, even in the after.

“The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.”- Robert Frost