Thursday April 28, 2016

My dear friend Kula completed her 16th and final round of chemo yesterday. She has been strong and kept her spirits up as well as could be expected when you've got poison running through your veins. In fact, the emoji queen created a bitmoji that she's used over the past four months:

Needless to say, she's kept her sense of humor!

The chemo side effects have pushed her tiny, fit body to the limits, ravaging her insides and changing her outward appearance. The next two weeks will be no picnic, and this is not the end of her treatment. Surgery and possibly radiation are still a part of the plan. But, there are better days ahead.

The saying is oh so true - cancer sucks.

But, much like Shannon, if the patient has a good attitude about it, so must the people around her. I can't be down in the dumps about it if Kula is saying "I'm lucky". It's a good reminder of the strength we each have inside us.

So, a big shout out to my friend. You are stronger than you imagined. Love you, Kuls.

Monday April 25, 2016

Well, it happened...  I knew this day might come...

Erin beat me on the golf course. Not only that, she beat Dan, too!  Her 82 was the low round of the family. She's a better golfer than I ever was in high school. Wait, better than I ever was at any point in my life...

It's fun to see her hard work paying off. Now, we all know as golfers that every day is a new day and anything can happen... she's not going to shoot career bests over and over. But, she's enjoying it and we're enjoying watching her progress. Two more conference meets this week. Hopefully the spring weather will cooperate.

It wasn't all golf this weekend... Erin mixed in some volleyball, too. Her 17s team had a one day tournament on Sunday, playing 4 matches. Erin's making progress there, too.

So, we follow our kid around and watch her do her thing... I wonder sometimes if Erin feels extra pressure now that she's all we've got. I am sure she does, but she grins and bears it. We want to enjoy her and be there with her without adding pressure. Is that possible??

It's a strange family dynamic that we have. Two parents to one child is not always a healthy ratio. Erin gets pissed when her dad tells her something, and, five minutes later, I tell her the same thing. We're working on our fifth year as a family of three, and we still don't have it nailed...

But, we're all doing the best we can...

Luckily, Dan and I are both engaged in our jobs so that keeps us from hovering over Erin too much.  It was planes, trains and automobiles for Dan last week. Madison, WI on Tuesday, drove to Yankton, SD for Wednesday, then to MSP to fly to Fargo for Thursday. He's headed out again today for Milwaukee.

I have one more week at my "old job" and then next week I start picking up new duties before my official start date of May 9th.

It's been funny telling people that I'm going to work full time. Some people say "congratulations" but others know that there's a bit of trepidation. I even had one tennis friend who flat out said "Oh no!" That made me smile.

I think women understand. I want to work, I like my job, but I want all the other stuff, too. Time with Dan and Erin, time with my friends, time for tennis, time to coach golf... can you have it all? I'm going to give it my best shot.

So, this train just rolls onward... last week of April, seven weeks left in the school year... I think I can, I think I can...

Monday April 18, 2016

It was one of those weeks that we dread... a calendar day marked in black, diagnosis day, April 15.

But, sometimes you get lucky and life is gentler than you anticipated. That's how it was for us this time around, five years after that terrible day...

So much happened in this past week, and so much of it was good. The positive things in our lives help us remember that we are doing all right, we are surviving and sometimes thriving.

Thursday, Erin played in her second golf meet of the season. After not being pleased with her first score, she went out and shot a career best 81! Golf is a funny game...

Friday was diagnosis day, and while it was on my mind, I had bigger things to attend to. My job as a contractor at Mayo has morphed into a full time position working for Mayo Clinic Public Affairs. Friday, April 15, I accepted my first full-time job since before Erin was born. Yikes.

Five years ago I couldn't have imagined that I would work for Mayo Clinic. Would I be here if we hadn't been through our journey with Shannon? Probably not. My writing chops were tested right here on this blog and it led me in a new direction. How strange is that? My daughter's cancer and death led me to a new job opportunity. Life is so strange sometimes...

After a Saturday spent playing volleyball, the weekend wrapped up with Erin's confirmation. Yet another reminder of things that Shannon never experienced, but also a reminder of the blessings in our lives after Shannon. Erin's sponsor, Ellen, was and is a big part of our journey. 

                                         

Erin chose St. Jude as her saint name. The patron saint of hope and impossible causes. Erin was just 10 when we went to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital with Shannon, but it is etched in her memory forever.

A nod to the past, a look towards the future. Erin is growing up at warp speed now. I only wish Shannon was here to see it.

Tuesday April 12, 2016

Uff da, coming back to reality after living the Caribbean life has been rough. Our jobs and our pets expect our attention this week!

So far, this first week back from spring break has been eventful...

Since Erin turned 15, it was time for the next big step:

She passed her permit test, and away we go... She's already driven me to and from Eastwood golf course yesterday, and home from school today. Only 363 more days and she won't need me anymore...

Today, we kicked off the 2016 girls golf season. The team was all decked out in the new gear they designed and the new swag from our fundraising with the Shannon O'Hara Foundation.

                                     

While the day didn't go quite as well for Erin as she would have liked, our Varsity and JV both won their divisions at the Stewie Invite. And now it's pedal to the medal for the next 8 weeks. Basically, it's two meets a week for the rest of the school year. Next up, the Red Wing invite on Thursday, and the weather looks even better than today. Believe me, they have played in worse!

                               

So, time marches on. Erin is behind the wheel. Erin's started the second half of her high school golf career. I don't want it to go so quickly. But, it's not up to me, so I best just enjoy it...

Happy Birthday, Miss E!

Just had to jump on here and wish Erin a happy 15th birthday. She makes us so proud and we love her to pieces.

We can't wait to see what the future holds, but we'll get there one day at a time...

Happy Birthday, E-ba Dee-ba!

  

Wednesday April 6, 2016

Erin and I are sitting in an internet cafe in Nassau, Bahamas, paying $6 for an hour of high speed wifi. Erin has many snapchats to catch up on...

The first three days of our cruise have been a great experience. We had nice weather on the day we set sail, and a beautiful day on the Royal Caribbean private island yesterday. A cabana and the turquoise water helps the blood pressure stay nice and low.

The nine of us are having dinner together each night, and coming and going as we please during the days. Erin and cousin Laurynn have met some other teens onboard and are enjoying hanging out post dinner each night when the old folks (including me) tuck in.

Today we are in port, doing some shopping and lunch around Nassau. A little cooler and windy today, so a perfect day for an onshore adventure. Erin chose a tour of the chocolate factory at Graycliff. We had fun making our own chocolate bars, although, I better stick to my day job. Being artistic is not my strong suit...

We have one more day at sea tomorrow, and the weather looks good. A little more sun and relaxation before we head home. My parents are enjoying having all of us together to celebrate 50 years of marriage. That's quite a feat. We know we are a lucky family. 

And while we are lucky, we haven't forgotten Shannon. My dad made a point of having a table for 10 each night, and leaving Shannon's seat empty... a symbolic gesture and a reminder to appreciate the here and now.

Our Shannon Shirts Around the World pic comes from Coco Cay, Bahamas. She is with us always.

                            

Friday April 1, 2016

"There is nothing permanent except change." - Heraclitus

Changes, big and small, are not my strong suit. Case(s) in point:

Erin made fun of me just this week. My curling iron broke after 15 years of use, and I went out and bought the exact same one...

I went to park in my favorite secret spots in the Mayo Parking ramp, only to find that those spots are now used for valet parking. Yes, the World Famous Mayo Clinic now offers valet parking...

Even my job that I love is morphing and changing...

Why am I so resistant to change? You'd think by my mid (to late) 40's I'd understand that things always change. And yet, it throws me for a loop every time.

Maybe there's a little piece of me that doesn't want things to be different. Can't we just go back to the good 'ol days? I think my resistance to change is magnified by my desire to keep one foot in the past. One foot in the world where Shannon was a part of our lives.

Of course, Shannon is still a part of our lives, but in such a different way.

April has begun and that brings us to Spring Break, then Erin's birthday and, of course, diagnosis day. It is looming and on my mind, for sure. Five years, yet I remember that day so vividly...

I have been so consumed with work that I am really looking forward to our vacation. The three of us head out this weekend to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary, along with my brother and his family. It will be the first cruise experience for me and Dan, but Erin tells us it's fabulous.

We will take our Shannon shirts with us on the cruise, and we will remember her as we enjoy some family time in the sun. A new experience, a change, maybe even forward progress on this journey called life...

"Come what may, time and the hour run through the roughest day." - William Shakespeare