I just finished playing tennis with my girlfriends this morning. It always makes me feel good. Not just the physical activity, but the camaraderie. We run around and chase a little yellow ball...and we laugh.
Too often in this world we are looking for reasons to chop each other down. Especially women. We can be mean and envious and catty.
For someone like me, there's just no room for that in my life. And, the people who are in my life know that. They have shown me there best sides. My girlfriends know what I have been through, and they are always looking to lift me up, not put me down.
I wish we could all remember that everyone has a past. Everyone will meet hardship or pain or loss. We should all receive the benefit of the doubt. We should all be looking to lift each other up.
That's my soapbox moment for today. Not that you asked for my opinion, but I guess today I am giving it free of charge!
Practice kindness.
"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon will be too late." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thursday March 6, 2014
26 months... Dan and I did the math today. 26 months without Shannon. It still doesn't seem real sometimes...
Erin was having a bad day yesterday - she didn't want to talk and she was short with me and Dan. Why? Who knows. We always have this "thing" that we carry with us. Maybe Erin's mood didn't have anything to do with Shannon. Or maybe it had everything to do with it...
We'll never know what we would have been like if life had carried on in a normal manner. We all were changed - and damaged - by the loss of Shannon and sometimes, even 26 months later, it's hard to determine what's making us sad or mad.
It is a constant battle to let go of what we thought would be and accept what is.
In my bereavement support group, there are families at different stages of this journey. Some are newer on this path than me, but some have blazed the trail in front of me. One thing I've found - it's never over. This is how we live from here on out.
While that sounds daunting, there's comfort in that, too. We don't have to get over it. We never will. Whatever we feel, we feel. And whatever that is, it's ok. No one suffers the loss of a child and "gets over it". It changes your world and changes who you are.
When Erin's having a bad day, my mind wanders to Shannon and wonders if something set Erin off. A memory... or a mention of siblings... or maybe it was just annoying middle school boys!
Erin woke up this morning and she was fine. Kids are resilient. Adults, less so. I've been thinking about Shannon a lot this week. High school golf registration is under way. That was Shannon's one chance to be a Mayo Spartan. Another one of Shannon's good buddies got his driver's license this week. How fun it would have been for her to be tooling around town with her buddies.
So many thoughts about my girl. Missing her still. Always.
Sunday March 2, 2014
Yes, March is here... that's progress even if the temp outside doesn't feel like it...
We made progress on other fronts this week including meeting with a banker to work on a potential re-financing of our house. We're hoping to go to a 15 year mortgage. Dan would be 65 then and I told him if our house was paid off, I'd let him retire. He didn't think that was funny.
So, despite the temps outside, we are feeling positive around here. Erin is enjoying her last free weekend for quite some time. The next three weekends involve volleyball tournaments and the end of March will bring her much anticipated 8th grade Spring Break trip to Washington DC/Philadelphia/NYC. Much to look forward to for Miss E.
Dan's been so incredibly busy in his professional life. This is a good problem to have, but it's still a problem when there's more work to do than hours in the day. That's why he is sitting across the table from me on this Sunday morning, working on follow up from last week.
For me, progress was made in the form of getting a job! Sort of - I've been hired by a consulting firm to assist in the re-design of a website for a department at the Mayo Clinic. Ultimately, I will be doing some editing/writing of the content for the site as well as looking at the overall layout and what makes the most sense for usability.
I'm excited and anxious to get started, but it's a bit of hurry up and wait. I have to get approval to access the site, and the World Famous Mayo Clinic sometimes moves at a snail's pace. I am trying my best to be patient.
This is just one project and it will probably only take about a month. But, my hope is that this is just the beginning of these type of opportunities. You only need to take one look at my Candy Crush progress - I am on level 430 - to know that I need to start doing something more productive with my time!
So, hopefully this week brings me an opportunity to put my skills, and my brain to use. Now that would be progress...
We made progress on other fronts this week including meeting with a banker to work on a potential re-financing of our house. We're hoping to go to a 15 year mortgage. Dan would be 65 then and I told him if our house was paid off, I'd let him retire. He didn't think that was funny.
So, despite the temps outside, we are feeling positive around here. Erin is enjoying her last free weekend for quite some time. The next three weekends involve volleyball tournaments and the end of March will bring her much anticipated 8th grade Spring Break trip to Washington DC/Philadelphia/NYC. Much to look forward to for Miss E.
Dan's been so incredibly busy in his professional life. This is a good problem to have, but it's still a problem when there's more work to do than hours in the day. That's why he is sitting across the table from me on this Sunday morning, working on follow up from last week.
I'm excited and anxious to get started, but it's a bit of hurry up and wait. I have to get approval to access the site, and the World Famous Mayo Clinic sometimes moves at a snail's pace. I am trying my best to be patient.
This is just one project and it will probably only take about a month. But, my hope is that this is just the beginning of these type of opportunities. You only need to take one look at my Candy Crush progress - I am on level 430 - to know that I need to start doing something more productive with my time!
So, hopefully this week brings me an opportunity to put my skills, and my brain to use. Now that would be progress...
Wednesday February 26, 2014
I have just finished dropping Erin off at school. Driving these roads right now is a contact sport! Between ruts in the road, spinning tires, and snowbanks up to the stop signs, well, it ain't easy.
February is going to end, very soon, and that's a good thing.
Dan's cousin passed on a link to an interview that Anderson Cooper did with Liam Neeson. I am still always interested in hearing other people's take on grief, coping, moving on.
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/living-with-grief-a-conversation-between-men/
Neeson lost his wife to a tragic skiing accident five years ago, so the circumstances are different, but many of the things that he said still resonate with me.
He speaks of the people that come to help in a time of need. That's part of what changed me forever. I was playing tennis yesterday with my friends and we were laughing and it just felt so good right down to my soul. I know that those relationships are different - better in some ways - because of my journey. It's hard to explain, but that almost produces some guilt for me. How can my life be so enriched by the people in my world when many of these relationships deepened because my world changed so tragically?
Anderson Cooper also made the valid point that everyone will deal with grief, deal with loss at some point in their lives. Maybe that's why my relationships are deeper. Maybe I have something to offer now as people navigate their lives. Maybe this is why Dan, Erin and I have all found ourselves supporting people lately as they struggle with relationships, health, jobs, life...
The loss of Shannon changed our place in the world, changed who we are, changed how we relate to people. I'd be lying if I didn't say some of this is for the better. I don't know if I'll ever be able to reconcile that feeling - losing Shannon made me more fully human.
"Grief can be the garden for compassion" - Rumi
February is going to end, very soon, and that's a good thing.
Dan's cousin passed on a link to an interview that Anderson Cooper did with Liam Neeson. I am still always interested in hearing other people's take on grief, coping, moving on.
http://www.cbsnews.com/videos/living-with-grief-a-conversation-between-men/
Neeson lost his wife to a tragic skiing accident five years ago, so the circumstances are different, but many of the things that he said still resonate with me.
He speaks of the people that come to help in a time of need. That's part of what changed me forever. I was playing tennis yesterday with my friends and we were laughing and it just felt so good right down to my soul. I know that those relationships are different - better in some ways - because of my journey. It's hard to explain, but that almost produces some guilt for me. How can my life be so enriched by the people in my world when many of these relationships deepened because my world changed so tragically?
Anderson Cooper also made the valid point that everyone will deal with grief, deal with loss at some point in their lives. Maybe that's why my relationships are deeper. Maybe I have something to offer now as people navigate their lives. Maybe this is why Dan, Erin and I have all found ourselves supporting people lately as they struggle with relationships, health, jobs, life...
The loss of Shannon changed our place in the world, changed who we are, changed how we relate to people. I'd be lying if I didn't say some of this is for the better. I don't know if I'll ever be able to reconcile that feeling - losing Shannon made me more fully human.
"Grief can be the garden for compassion" - Rumi
Saturday February 22, 2014
We have reached the weekend and we have absolutely no agenda, which is just fine with us. Actually, the roads are in the worst condition I've ever seen after our latest round of winter weather. We are very lucky that our getaways were last weekend and not this one!
Erin has been enjoying back to back snow days - staying up late, having sleepovers, and sleeping in. She hasn't been a total slug - she's working on her research paper for English class. Of course that paper makes me think of Shannon - it's the one she was working on every day in Memphis... until she couldn't. She was so determined to finish it. I've got that unfinished paper in a box of things I've kept.
While we've been shut in these past two days, we passed the time by watching the Olympic hockey games. First, the women on Thursday and then the men on Friday. Both teams suffered tough losses to Canada. Erin watched with passing interest, but watching those games made us miss Shannon. She would have been hanging on every shift, rooting hard for the US. She would have been crushed by the losses.
Dan and I joked with Erin last night that Shannon would have been so mad about the losses that she would have been in a bad mood and probably would have taken it out on her little sister! We had a good chuckle about that...
I guess in some way, this is how we keep Shannon's spirit with us. Imagining what she'd be like. But who knows what she'd really be like. Would she be different at this age? Less emotional? More emotional? Would her interests have changed? People aren't necessarily the same at 15 as they were at 13.
But, those are unanswerable questions for us, so we imagine Shannon the way we remember her.
A big thanks to all of you who took part in our Amazon Review Day. We appreciate the support as we continue our work in the memory of that feisty 13 year old girl...
Erin has been enjoying back to back snow days - staying up late, having sleepovers, and sleeping in. She hasn't been a total slug - she's working on her research paper for English class. Of course that paper makes me think of Shannon - it's the one she was working on every day in Memphis... until she couldn't. She was so determined to finish it. I've got that unfinished paper in a box of things I've kept.
While we've been shut in these past two days, we passed the time by watching the Olympic hockey games. First, the women on Thursday and then the men on Friday. Both teams suffered tough losses to Canada. Erin watched with passing interest, but watching those games made us miss Shannon. She would have been hanging on every shift, rooting hard for the US. She would have been crushed by the losses.
Dan and I joked with Erin last night that Shannon would have been so mad about the losses that she would have been in a bad mood and probably would have taken it out on her little sister! We had a good chuckle about that...
I guess in some way, this is how we keep Shannon's spirit with us. Imagining what she'd be like. But who knows what she'd really be like. Would she be different at this age? Less emotional? More emotional? Would her interests have changed? People aren't necessarily the same at 15 as they were at 13.
But, those are unanswerable questions for us, so we imagine Shannon the way we remember her.
A big thanks to all of you who took part in our Amazon Review Day. We appreciate the support as we continue our work in the memory of that feisty 13 year old girl...
Amazon Review Day
Today's the day!
We want Amazon take notice of Determined to Matter. If you've read the book and you have an Amazon account, log in and write a review today. The more reviews we get, the more likely that the book will get noticed.
If you can spare a moment, follow this link and help us share Shannon's story:
Determined to Matter on Amazon
Many thanks to all our faithful supporters.
We want Amazon take notice of Determined to Matter. If you've read the book and you have an Amazon account, log in and write a review today. The more reviews we get, the more likely that the book will get noticed.
If you can spare a moment, follow this link and help us share Shannon's story:
Determined to Matter on Amazon
Many thanks to all our faithful supporters.
Monday February 17, 2014
We are feeling very lucky today to have escaped the winter weather this weekend. (Sorry to all of you stuck in a winter storm...) The weather here in Nevada and for Miss E in California has been beautiful. We are feeling rejuvenated and ready to survive the rest of our winter back in MN.
Due to the convenience of modern technology, we have been staying on contact with Erin a few times a day. Texting each other photos of what we are up to has been really fun. It goes something like this:
"Shannon Shirts Around the World entry"
Due to the convenience of modern technology, we have been staying on contact with Erin a few times a day. Texting each other photos of what we are up to has been really fun. It goes something like this:
"Shannon Shirts Around the World entry"
To which we replied:
"Vegas golf with my sweetie"
Erin kept it up with this photo from the Happiest Place on Earth:
We are all heading home today, and well aware that travel could be a challenge. Four different airports, two different highways, and then hopefully around midnight we are all back on Willow Lane.
But, no matter what awaits us, our weekend getaways were well worth it. Feeling grateful.
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