The three amigos have all returned to Willow Lane and we will spend the rest of our Spring Breaks together... in a snowstorm... ugh. Thank goodness for the Athletic Club where we will head today for some exercise and activity. Cabin fever on April 4th is a big bummer...
Erin has been catching up on her sleep these past two nights. She was due after 5 straight days of constant activity. Her trip was a great time. In New York, she got to explore some new areas - Little Italy and Chinatown - and see some familiar sights as well - Central Park, a Broadway show, and Top of the Rock. I am grateful for the chaperones willing to herd 220 kids through Times Square!
E still absolutely loves New York. It will be interesting to see if the big city is a part of her life someday... But, that's a ways off - she will finally turn 13 next week...
So, all is well on Willow Lane. I survived my time alone. It was too quiet, but I gave myself permission to just sit with the silence, the emptiness, and just feel some sadness. It may sound strange, but I think it's a healthy exercise from time to time.
I sat (with a glass of wine) and looked at Shannon's things. Some of her schoolwork that I've saved. Her keepsakes from various trips we took. Her hockey jerseys and photos. It was nice to conjure up some memories of her when I was missing her so.
I have to give myself permission to do that, to revisit the past since there is no future for her. The sadness over that was brought into sharp relief this week with Erin off on her adventure.
Grief is cyclical. The loss of Shannon will be with me forever, and sometimes I just have to ride the wave off the bottom until I can breathe again.
"You will lose someone you can't live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through. It's like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly - that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp." - Anne Lamott
Tuesday April 1, 2014
I am home alone, trying to enjoy the silence. I find myself listening to music (currently The Lumineers, Avett Brothers, Rusted Root, and Of Monsters and Men) to fill the air that is void of conversation.
My other spring breaker had some weather issues of her own. The 8th graders spent two days in Washington DC in a driving rainstorm. Erin said that it was raining - pouring - every time they went outside. Erin and her crew toughed it out, though, and made the best of it. Erin was especially moved by Arlington National Cemetery and the Holocaust Museum.
We've been getting a nightly phone call from Erin with details from her day. Yesterday was a good one - they finally got some sunshine and they took their show on the road: leaving DC, busing to Philadelphia for the day, and then on to NYC in the afternoon.
Erin and her friends had planned to wear Shannon shirts on the day when they would be in all three cities. The latest entry in our "Shannon Shirts Around the World" comes from Erin's crew in front of Independence Hall in Philadelphia:
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| Emma, Erin, Olivia, Katie, Althea, Emily, Jolie |
But, Erin is happy and that makes me happy. She has such a good bunch of friends who are kind and supportive. A group of teenage girls who have each other's backs and, as a mom, I'm grateful for that.
My spring break is slightly less exciting than Dan's or Erin's. I did organize some closets and drawers yesterday and I might even tackle a few more today. Trying to make myself useful with a little nesting. (Dan reminded me the last time I nested I was pregnant!)
It's very quiet around here, but Sunny the Wonderdog is keeping me company. We're doing alright...
Saturday March 29, 2014
Dan and I are practicing being empty nesters this weekend...
We put Erin on a bus at 1:30 this morning which has already taken her to Minneapolis to catch a flight to Atlanta, and then on to Washington DC. She - along with 220 other 8th graders - will be arriving in our nation's capital in the next few hours to begin 5 days of action packed sight seeing: DC, then Philadelphia, and finally on to NYC.
Erin may be the youngest kid on the trip, but she's pretty sure she can handle it. She didn't even want Dan and I to get out of the car to say goodbye! She's traveling with three of her best buddies, and I have no doubt they will have a great time.
I expect that I will have many selfies sent to me over the next 5 days. It's already begun...
We talked this week about Shannon's 8th grade year. Erin and I talked about it while we were shopping, and Dan and I discussed it after dropping Erin off.
Truth is, we never even considered Shannon going on this trip. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she knew deep down that it wouldn't be possible, maybe we were too protective to even consider it. It turned out we didn't have a decision to make, because Shannon didn't make it to spring break.
When Erin asked to go on this trip, we said yes right away. We never even considered saying no. That's our new normal. We are doing our best to give Erin opportunities to engage in the world. She deserves it.
So, Dan and I will hang out together this weekend and we've already got big things planned - we need groceries and dog food and maybe even some new frying pans. Pretty exciting, eh?
I tease, but Dan did invite me to go on spring break with him on Monday. He's headed to... Fargo. As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll stay put...
We put Erin on a bus at 1:30 this morning which has already taken her to Minneapolis to catch a flight to Atlanta, and then on to Washington DC. She - along with 220 other 8th graders - will be arriving in our nation's capital in the next few hours to begin 5 days of action packed sight seeing: DC, then Philadelphia, and finally on to NYC.
Erin may be the youngest kid on the trip, but she's pretty sure she can handle it. She didn't even want Dan and I to get out of the car to say goodbye! She's traveling with three of her best buddies, and I have no doubt they will have a great time.
I expect that I will have many selfies sent to me over the next 5 days. It's already begun...
We talked this week about Shannon's 8th grade year. Erin and I talked about it while we were shopping, and Dan and I discussed it after dropping Erin off.
Truth is, we never even considered Shannon going on this trip. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she knew deep down that it wouldn't be possible, maybe we were too protective to even consider it. It turned out we didn't have a decision to make, because Shannon didn't make it to spring break.
When Erin asked to go on this trip, we said yes right away. We never even considered saying no. That's our new normal. We are doing our best to give Erin opportunities to engage in the world. She deserves it.
So, Dan and I will hang out together this weekend and we've already got big things planned - we need groceries and dog food and maybe even some new frying pans. Pretty exciting, eh?
I tease, but Dan did invite me to go on spring break with him on Monday. He's headed to... Fargo. As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll stay put...
Wednesday March 26, 2014
I shared this article on social media yesterday, but it's worth repeating here - Shannon's cells, which were donated to St. Jude, are helping make a difference. She is a part of this research, just as she wanted. It's nice for me and Dan to have another chance to be proud of her.
Improving treatments and finding cures is a long and arduous process. We are realistic. There is no magic bullet.
But, every scientific breakthrough moves us closer. Someday maybe the outcome will be different for kids like Shannon.
Check it out: USA Today: After losing kids, families hope to further research
Improving treatments and finding cures is a long and arduous process. We are realistic. There is no magic bullet.
But, every scientific breakthrough moves us closer. Someday maybe the outcome will be different for kids like Shannon.
Check it out: USA Today: After losing kids, families hope to further research
Sunday March 23, 2014
It is good to be home, on my couch, watching some NCAA basketball. It has been a a whirlwind of activity and emotion, and we are ready for some "normal" days.
My grandma's funeral was a beautiful tribute to the woman she was - loving, caring, and fiercely loyal.
An added bonus was the chance to re-connect with my aunts, uncles, and cousins and reminisce about memories. It was a reminder of the best parts of being from a big family.
My mom's brothers - all 8 of them - touched us by choosing that memorials to my grandma be given to the Shannon O'Hara Foundation.
Attending a funeral will always bring a flood of memories. While it's hard, in some ways it's a connection to Shannon, and we're always looking for those.
We returned home Friday in time to do some laundry and some homework in preparation for spending the next two days at Erin's volleyball tournament. 8 matches total, some wins and some losses, lots of fun watching her play. And Smiley was smiling the whole time.
So, after a week of family, we spent the weekend with friends. We are supported and loved. We are lucky.
My grandma's funeral was a beautiful tribute to the woman she was - loving, caring, and fiercely loyal.
An added bonus was the chance to re-connect with my aunts, uncles, and cousins and reminisce about memories. It was a reminder of the best parts of being from a big family.
My mom's brothers - all 8 of them - touched us by choosing that memorials to my grandma be given to the Shannon O'Hara Foundation.
Attending a funeral will always bring a flood of memories. While it's hard, in some ways it's a connection to Shannon, and we're always looking for those.
We returned home Friday in time to do some laundry and some homework in preparation for spending the next two days at Erin's volleyball tournament. 8 matches total, some wins and some losses, lots of fun watching her play. And Smiley was smiling the whole time.
So, after a week of family, we spent the weekend with friends. We are supported and loved. We are lucky.
Wednesday March 19, 2014
My grandma passed away yesterday at the age of 87. It was a peaceful ending and she didn't suffer.
We will begin gathering tomorrow in Faribault - my mom and her 8 brothers, their spouses, my cousins, and our children. Lots of people, lots of stories, lots of laughter and tears to be shared. It will be a celebration of life, and we will ease each other's pain as families do in these times of sorrow.
It's sad, of course, but not tragic. She lived a good life. She gave her time and energy to her family and to the Catholic Church. She loved and was loved. That's what matters.
We will begin gathering tomorrow in Faribault - my mom and her 8 brothers, their spouses, my cousins, and our children. Lots of people, lots of stories, lots of laughter and tears to be shared. It will be a celebration of life, and we will ease each other's pain as families do in these times of sorrow.
It's sad, of course, but not tragic. She lived a good life. She gave her time and energy to her family and to the Catholic Church. She loved and was loved. That's what matters.
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| Jeanne Irene (Chapple) Davies 10/5/1926 - 3/18/2014 |
Sunday March 16, 2014
It's been a week of frustrations for me, with one big reminder to not sweat the small stuff.
The frustrations have ranged from lost car keys (eventually found but not before I managed to set of the alarm, which then caused the battery to disconnect, which then caused the check engine light to come on) to a job that still hasn't begun. Yes, I wrote a couple weeks back about being excited to start a new endeavor. Well, new projects as Mayo often get pushed back when more pressing things arise. So I continue to wait. The woman who hired me assures me it will happen, and that this is a common refrain - "It's the Mayo way - delay!"
So, I not so patiently wait...
This week brought one big reminder about what really matters. I went to visit my grandma on Friday. She's been in the hospital in Faribault for a week, and things aren't improving. The decision has been made that she will return to her apartment and begin hospice care on Monday. My mom has flown in, and will be by her side.
I spent a lot of time with my grandma in my youth. My grandma had 9 children, with my mom being the oldest and the only girl. I am the first grandchild, born less than 5 years after my uncle Fran.
So, our family sort of all ran together. My mom's brothers leading into me and then 14 more grandchildren to follow. The next generation - the greats - started with Shannon and now numbers 13.
Grandma loved each of us with all she had. She always looked for the good in her family, almost to a fault: her boys could do no wrong in her eyes, and trust me, they weren't always angels! Grandma felt the same about her grandkids - we were all lovely, even when we weren't.
I found myself reminiscing with my uncles and looking through old photos the other night. I found one of my favorites - four generations.
Me, age 12, ready to be the junior attendant in my uncle Jeff's wedding, with my mom, my Grandma Jeanne, and her mom, my Great Grandma Irene. Funny aside that tells you something about the women in my family - Irene didn't want to be called Great Grandma because that made her sound old. So, we called her Grandma Great instead. She liked the sound of that.
My Grandma believes that she is going to heaven to be with Grandpa and her own parents. And one of her greats. Maybe she and Shannon can get to know each other better.
The idea of my mom sitting vigil with her mom on home hospice has certainly stirred some emotions for both of us. She remembers all too well me doing that for my daughter.
It's different with someone who is 87, though. It's appropriate. It's her time. The circle of life moving as it should.
I hope for a peaceful, easy passing for my grandma in the coming days.
The frustrations have ranged from lost car keys (eventually found but not before I managed to set of the alarm, which then caused the battery to disconnect, which then caused the check engine light to come on) to a job that still hasn't begun. Yes, I wrote a couple weeks back about being excited to start a new endeavor. Well, new projects as Mayo often get pushed back when more pressing things arise. So I continue to wait. The woman who hired me assures me it will happen, and that this is a common refrain - "It's the Mayo way - delay!"
So, I not so patiently wait...
This week brought one big reminder about what really matters. I went to visit my grandma on Friday. She's been in the hospital in Faribault for a week, and things aren't improving. The decision has been made that she will return to her apartment and begin hospice care on Monday. My mom has flown in, and will be by her side.
I spent a lot of time with my grandma in my youth. My grandma had 9 children, with my mom being the oldest and the only girl. I am the first grandchild, born less than 5 years after my uncle Fran.
So, our family sort of all ran together. My mom's brothers leading into me and then 14 more grandchildren to follow. The next generation - the greats - started with Shannon and now numbers 13.
Grandma loved each of us with all she had. She always looked for the good in her family, almost to a fault: her boys could do no wrong in her eyes, and trust me, they weren't always angels! Grandma felt the same about her grandkids - we were all lovely, even when we weren't.
I found myself reminiscing with my uncles and looking through old photos the other night. I found one of my favorites - four generations.
Me, age 12, ready to be the junior attendant in my uncle Jeff's wedding, with my mom, my Grandma Jeanne, and her mom, my Great Grandma Irene. Funny aside that tells you something about the women in my family - Irene didn't want to be called Great Grandma because that made her sound old. So, we called her Grandma Great instead. She liked the sound of that.
My mom is probably not going to be pleased with me sharing this photo. For those of you too young to remember, the perm was all the rage in the early 80's...
My Grandma believes that she is going to heaven to be with Grandpa and her own parents. And one of her greats. Maybe she and Shannon can get to know each other better.
The idea of my mom sitting vigil with her mom on home hospice has certainly stirred some emotions for both of us. She remembers all too well me doing that for my daughter.
It's different with someone who is 87, though. It's appropriate. It's her time. The circle of life moving as it should.
I hope for a peaceful, easy passing for my grandma in the coming days.
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