Tossin' and turnin' at 00: dark :30 so it's back to the blog for some confessin'...
I was quite disturbed by yet another Twins one-run loss. How many ways? How many different kinds of ways can they lose ballgames? A simple mind might think it's almost like the same dark cloud that is hovering over this Rochester MN O'Hara Family is also following the Twins through their 2011 journey. But I'm certain that isn't what has my mind working hard in the middle of this night.
A friend sent me this verse from James 1: 2-4 “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” His point of support was that we can grow through challenging times and events if we don't let them consume us.
Bible verses, prayers, music lyrics...they are all around us...everyday...in most cases they just need an application. And an open mind to apply them. Can you tell I have my Ipod going? Currently playing; new Sheryl Crow, Long Road Home... "Bring me sweet relief, rid me of human grief, I am free from every hurt..."
I feel the need to address the issue of control. It is an issue that probably creates the most stress around our home. Probably not unique to us. But in a time of crisis or inexplicable circumstance controlling behavior can be a toxin. For someone in a program of recovery, it's a huge red-flag wavin' in the wind. Let go, let God, right?
Jen and I addressed this with our Mayo Clinic case worker today. Great stuff to get out on the table. It's so easy for me to point fingers all around me as to the reasons for this or that...it's meeting other people's needs...it's trying to be everything to everybody...it's my family...it's the weather... its the Twins bullpen...the list keeps growing. And really all I need to do is look in the mirror.
The painful truth is that none of us have any control. And what is going to happen next, who knows? That is certainly the hardest part. I make light of Jen's planning instinct more than I should. But this lack of control is really hard on her as she - like most moms - attempts to lay out summer plans; enrolling the girls in camps, locking down trips to the cabin, scheduling stuff that needs to happen like it has every other summer.
It's like she said in her post yesterday; the longest 6 weeks of my life have flown by. Hell, this six weeks may have been the easy part! The doctors set that up for us in April; 42 days of chemo and radiation treatments that will end Friday. Then you go away and enjoy life for four weeks. Then come back and we will scan Shannon's brain and we will know more. You kidding me? Enjoy life? I suppose this is where our endurance is supposed to grow?
So perhaps that's why I'm awake this morning. I suppose this is where I would open the floor to comments. But this is something Jen, Shannon, Erin and I will need to figure out because if we are lucky and God is willing this could go on like this for awhile. How about for about 5-years while they master proton beam therapy or the next technology that will shrivel this growth in Shannon's brain?
Staying 100% in the present becomes the real challenge. Yet that is the only thing we can control. Erin graduates from Bamber Valley Elementary Thursday. Friday she has a field trip to the DNR trout hatchery in Lanesboro. Shannon will take 7th grade finals and then ring the bell at Desk R - a ceremony for patients completing radiation treatment. Saturday we have Fireballs and hockey and more family...and life goes on...
It's likely Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire is also tossin' and turnin' this morning.
Must own music; Tristan Prettyman, Madly. All better now.
