I am relieved to be done with the procedure and to know that it's nothing to worry about. It is hard to hear a doctor say, "It's most likely nothing, but we need to check it out ..." Those words will never again be reassuring to us...
The other difficult part is understanding that I could have a cyst the size of a grapefruit along with a couple of reproductive organs taken out through three small incisions and be home hours later. Shannon had a tumor the size of a shooter marble and there was little that could be done. Now I know that's comparing apples and oranges, and the abdomen is different than the brain stem. But there's a part of me that wants to make sense of that. Modern medicine is amazing, but it couldn't save Shannon...
As I look at the date on this entry I am reminded that we posted our first blog entry a year ago on April 18. It was originally an e-mail to family explaining what was ahead as we started Shannon's treatment. As I've been doing some work on putting material together for the book, I've been going back and reading the blog. It's full of optimism and energy and fear. It's hard not to feel like we were a little naive. But, that naivety served us well. We really did want to fight the good fight and enjoy the time we had. If that meant we had to be foolishly optimistic, well, so be it. We didn't know what we didn't know ...
Reaching the point on the calendar where it all began a year ago has been emotional. These are the days a year ago when we learned that the world doesn't always make sense. What happens to us isn't always a result of our actions. Life is arbitrary.
But not all the memories are bad. This is the time a year ago when we began relating to people, to the world in a different way. We quit sweating the small stuff. Our relationships deepened because we needed them to. We learned that people will be there to help you if you let them. We learned that life can be both painful and beautiful at the same time.
But not all the memories are bad. This is the time a year ago when we began relating to people, to the world in a different way. We quit sweating the small stuff. Our relationships deepened because we needed them to. We learned that people will be there to help you if you let them. We learned that life can be both painful and beautiful at the same time.
