Each day as I lie on that table and receive radiation, I can't help but think about Shannon. The techs instruct you that to make things go smoothly, you should try and relax. I find myself wondering how a 12 year old girl was able to do that.
What did she think about each day? Her homework? Golf practice? Her friends? Boys? The radiation zapping her brain? The tumor that would take her life? I never asked her where her mind went during those 30 days.
So, the way I relax each day for treatment is by spending that time with Shannon. At least inside my mind, I spend that 20 minutes with my girl. 7 down, 23 to go...
I spent a lot of time today updating the blog site and the foundation website, and that brought lots of Shannon memories, too. Check out the foundation website when you get a chance as I've added several pages. One page includes the links to the news stories about Shannon and her legacy.
I couldn't help myself - I watched the KTTC Med City piece again just to hear her voice. The book title came from her interview that day - wanting to make a difference, Determined to Matter.
There has been a lot of work on the book lately as well. Scarletta Press is sending it out to reviewers this week, and we are putting together some book launch/book signing events. Erin and Dan suggested that I probably need to buy some nicer clothes. I guess they don't think I can wear sweats or mom jeans to these events. It's still kind of surreal and I still can't quite believe it is happening.
A family member summed it up for me this week. He was talking about doing something that's out of your comfort zone, something that's a push for you. He called it a "Shannon thing." Yes, thinking that I could write a book was a "Shannon thing" for me. And now talking about it and reading from it for audiences will be another "Shannon thing."
But that's what she knew how to do. At such a young age, she knew how to seize opportunities and try something new. She didn't care that everyone else had been playing hockey for years. She pushed herself and tried something new and it became this incredible part of her life. That's living. That's why she loved life, because she saw the possibilities.
As I continue to grieve and cope, that's what I am trying to do, too. To push myself. To live life and enjoy it. So, tomorrow when I'm lying on that table, I'll spend a little time with Shannon, and tell her all about it.
