The sun sets so early now... 6pm is black as midnight. I find I have to fight the urge to put on my pajamas before dinner...
November is feeling like January and we are steeling ourselves for a long winter. We continue to muddle through some days and do better some others. We continue to make the best of life as a family of three. We still laugh a lot. Thank god for that.
I think we are all coming to the realization that this has to be integrated into who we are now. We are not the same people we were before. We will live as these new people for the rest of our lives.
I know that the approaching holiday season is weighing heavily on us this year. Last year we prepared ourselves for "the first", and we had a plan. (Who knew that "the first" would be overshadowed by my own cancer diagnosis? That one still makes me shake my head at the universe...)
But this year, the holidays just feel like a reminder that things aren't as they should be. And, we realize we have to do this every year...every year without Shannon.
But, this isn't unique to me, to us. This is the human experience - struggles, up, downs... we live, we love, we lose. All of that changes us. People are born, people die. Yes, losing a child is an extreme example. But, like all experiences in life, how you react to it, recover from it, learn from it, and integrate it into your being determines your happiness. That is living.
She is always with us. Some days it's an anchor, but some days it gives us wings...
"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience."- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
