Grief and loss does change with the passage of time. It's like more things get piled on top of the wound, but you can still feel the wound underneath. Some days, the wound hurts more than others. Erin sat alone in her room last night, with nothing to do. It would have been the kind of night where you hang out with your older sister and watch a movie. Erin got the shortest straw of all...
And yet, day-to-day, Dan, Erin and I are happy. Our lives are rich and full and our friendships are deep and meaningful. We have thrived in many ways since the loss of Shannon. That's almost unbelievable to me, but it's true. Did we change? Did the people in our constellation change? Yes, in many ways the world became kinder to us...
People give us the benefit of the doubt. People admire us for how we've handled our loss. People root for us to succeed and be happy. We feel compassion from others more often than most.
In the past 5 years, we've been able to surround ourselves with people who allow us to talk about Shannon. We can speak of both our children without consequence. That is a beautiful thing. It doesn't make the wound heal completely, but it softens the edges.
Shannon as an adult... who can imagine that? I'm trying to with all my might... Like many other milestone days that now happen without Shannon, I miss my sassy, smiling first born. But time marches on... relentlessly...
A week from today, we will head to Lake Hubert, Shannon's self-proclaimed favorite place on earth. We feel close to her there where memories of her childhood are easy to conjure up.
So, we will get through today.
Happy Birthday to you, Miss Shannon.
