Christmas 2020.

 My parents have been encouraging me to blog since I was about 12. What better time than Christmas 2020 to finally listen to them? :) Christmas this year is weird, a holiday typically centered around sharing and catching up with family, now stripped to immediate families if you’re lucky. I am fortunate to be able to spend a few weeks at home with my parents, who are doing the best they can through these crazy times. BTW… “fortunate” is a relative term because I am pretty sure it was -2 yesterday…. Also, what 19-year-old LIKEs living in their parent’s basement? I digress….

Christmas has never been an easy holiday for us, it is filled with our memories of our Shannon sick, and it can often be a reminder of what we’ve lost  My dad and I shared a moment of relief this year discussing not having to tiptoe around small talk on Christmas. Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, in between episodes of our current binge-watch, I convinced my mom to watch some of our old home videos with me. Shannon’s spirit is bright even when she was four years old, pushing her little sister around. We laughed at how dorky my parents were in their thirties and the constant sibling rivalry between Shannon and me. It is sometimes hard to watch but good to remember :) 

It’s always been a complicated balance for me, missing Shannon, but I also understand that

I am largely who I am today because we lost her. I am in my junior year of college now,

enjoying my studies in Health Sciences. I have clicked off over 150 college credits at age

19 living in Philadelphia, and I will be applying to PA schools in the spring. I have been talking about going into medicine since my sister was sick, and it is quite hard to believe that I am closer to that career than I have ever been. Shannon is the reason for my drive, motivation, compassion, and why I want to be the kind of provider I want to be. I’d like to think she would be proud.

After a few days of grumbling about how cold it is outside, my parents convinced me to go on a walk with them to the golf course. Although I’m often skeptical of our “spiritual” experiences, there was no denying our guardian angel was present when not one, but 2, bald eagles flew over my mom, dad, and me on Christmas Day.

In the most isolated year of all time, I find myself having gratitude for the humanity around me. I’ve been lucky enough to surround myself with people I can laugh, cry with, and experience everything that this crazy year has thrown at us together. Going into 2021, I encourage all of us to live with compassion, a positive attitude, and a sense of humor through it all because that’s how we can honor my big sister, Shannon. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

SOF Scholarships

 Like everything else in 2020, things are different this year for the Shannon O'Hara Foundation. We are sending out our yearly letter to our donors, but without a specific hard request for donations. The foundation is financially healthy, and we recognize that this has bene an incredibly difficult year for people and businesses that have always supported us. We will weather this storm.

It is highly unlikely that we will be at Graham Arena in January as we normally are for various hockey events, including the Shannon Cup youth hockey tournament. Even if there's a way to hold the tournament itself by late January, we don't anticipate that it will be safe to be in the arena selling our merchandise and mingling with teams. We will patiently wait for better days ahead, and plan to return in 2022.

High school winter sports are also a question mark right now. We feel for these student athletes who are missing out on making memories. We will miss the chances to watch kids play the sport that Shannon loved so much.

One thing that won't change is the SOF scholarship. The pandemic won't stop us from supporting higher education and local youth by giving out scholarships again in 2021. 

Today, I took the time to look back at our scholarship winners. I needed the reminder of something good.

               

       

In our 8 years, 26 kids have received a total of $55,000. Like everything else this year, scholarship season will look different, but we will give them out some way, some how...

If you know a Rochester HS senior who played youth hockey, encourage them to apply. The application is available on the Shannon O'Hara Foundation website. Applications are due Jan. 10th.

Stay safe and be well, everyone.

November 8, 2020

It's been too long since I last wrote as the days, weeks, months of 2020 continue to slowly pass by. This election week has been worse than most, as I was filled with the anxiety of waiting for a result and hoping for a new way forward. 

I hopef for less hate, more tolerance. I hope that more voices will have a seat at the table. I have nothing against white men, but they shouldn't be the only voices in power. I am happy to see a woman rise to the 2nd highest office in our country. This is progress.

I hope for a peaceful transition of power and a government that can start to collaborate and compromise for the good of the people. I fear that those who hate will not go quietly, but as Dan reminds me often, you can plan the action, but not the outcome. 

One last thing about the election - this was Erin's first chance to vote. She and her friends were engaged and they understand voting rights and the electoral college way better than I did when I was 20! Erin told us being in the city of Philadelphia, which has been at the center of the election drama, has been invigorating. Erin loves her adopted city and the people in it. 

One reason I haven't written much, is nothing much changes in 2020. We are definitely in a groundhog day scenario. We work, we grocery shop, we cook, we get tired of cooking so we get takeout... repeat...

We are entering another COVID wave and I don't think anything is going to change any time soon. This has put a real damper on what is usually our fundraising time of year for the Shannon O'Hara Foundation. We typically send a fundraising letter in December and then hold the Shannon Cup hockey tournamentsin January. While the tournament may still take place, the likelihood of having vendors in the arena is very small. So this may be a year where we don't raise any funds. Another COVID-19 casualty, but hopefully just a one year blip on the work of the foundation.

Despite a down year, the foundation finances are healthy and we still intend to give out scholarships again in 2021. This will be our 9th year, having awarded money to 26 kids to date. This is absolutely the best way we remember and honor Shannon, so even a pandemic won't stop us. 

If you know a senior at a Rochester, MN high school who was involved with youth hockey and is pursuing higher education, please share our application with them. You do not have to be a high school hockey player to be eligible. Applications are due Jan. 10, 2021:

2021 Shannon O'Hara Memorial Scholarship

If you're curious, you can check out all our past winners here:

SOF Past Scholarship Recipients

Many of those past recipients are now done with college. Some are pursuing advanced degrees. Some are in the workforce. Some are getting married! Time does march on, even if 2020 has felt like an eternity. 

The foundation work always reminds me that good can come from loss. 2020 has brought so much loss to so many, and I need to remember that there is a light at the other end of the tunnel. Here's to better days ahead... for us all...

RBG, COVID hits home, The Shannon Tee - Sept, 19, 2020

Last night the news that Ruth Bader Ginsburg had died hit me hard. 2020 has been relentless. And it's only September.

RBG's pursuit of equal rights and her work to strike down discrimination on the basis of sex matters deeply to me. As a woman, and as a mother of a daughter, she was an icon worthy of my admiration. 

While she became known for her dissenting opinions, which might just seem like more of the "us" vs. "them" that plagues our country right now, she made it clear that dissenting is about looking at what could be in the future and to give a roadmap to future courts. And, I love that a 5 foot, 100 pound 80 year-old woman became a cultural phenomenon. So much to admire in her well-lived life. The Notorious RBG.

We can also take a cue from RBG when it comes to civil discourse and the ability to disagree but not be disagreeable. Oh, how much better off would our country be if we treated each other in a civil manner? Yes, I am a liberal and I worry about what's ahead for our country. But what I wish for most is a return to civility. We are all hurting right now for a variety of reasons - the pandemic, social unrest, economic stresses, wildfires, hurricanes. I wish we could unite around the human condition because this is a collective struggle for better days ahead.

As the pandemic continues on, it hit close to home for us this week. Erin and several friends in Philly tested positive for COVID. We knew this was a risk when she moved from our basement in a town of 120,000 to an apartment with 4 roommates in a town of 1.5 million. Thankfully, Erin's symptoms are very mild and we hope she can ride it out relatively unscathed. She is tired and she has lost her sense of taste and smell, all of which will hopefully be temporary. Thankfully, a friend's parents who are nearby are helping with food and supplies for the infected girls. They are together for the 10 day isolation period, binging Netflix and preparing for fall quarter, which starts Monday online. Of course, this mama is making Erin check in every 12 hours... it's the least she can do for me when she's 1200 miles away!

I am glad to report it's not all bad news here. Earlier this week, we had something to celebrate. An idea Dan had to honor Shannon came to fruition. 

When Shannon got sick, she was just starting to find her golf game and our neighborhood course, Willow Creek, is where she learned to play. After hearing about Shannon's illness, Willow's management at the time asked us if there was anything they could do for our family. Shannon spoke right up and said they needed an easier tee for girls on the Par 5 11th hole! It was sassy Shannon at her finest.

And so, the Shannon Tee was born. Wendell Pittenger, Scott Rindahl and Rod Johnson quickly built a forward tee, and Shannon was thrilled to get a chance to clear the creek with her drive.

Now, some 9 years later, a memorial bench sits at that tee box.

A big thanks to new Willow Creek owners Andy Black and Will Lancaster for allowing us this space, and another heartfelt thanks to our friend, Shaun Lang, who built the bench and donated his time and considerable skills to the effort.

We now get to have a moment of gratitude each time we play the 11th, and we hope others do, too. A little reminder of what's important... what really matters. We need that now more than ever.

Road trip - August 2020

2020 is a year that requires patience, resiliency and an ability to live in the moment and adjust as necessary. I'm good at two of those things... COVID-19 has meant that long term planning is a foolish proposition. What started in March with Erin's campus shutting down has carried through the summer and on into August.

We spent A LOT of time together, the three of us, as Dan wasn't traveling and I was furloughed starting June 1. Thankfully, my 12 week furlough was reduced to 6 and I returned to work July 13. It is good to be back.  

Dan and I were grateful for the bonus time with Erin, and Willow Lane was a safe place to be during the early, unsettling days of the pandemic. Erin made the most of being stuck back in Rochester, taking a bunch of credits spring and summer quarters, and working part time at the golf course for some spending money. 

While summer classes are continuing online, Erin was ready to return to Philadelphia. Her apartment had been paid through August, and she had per diem work opportunities that weren't happening in Rochester.  Drexel is attempting a hybrid teaching model in the fall... but as mentioned before, this will most likely require patience and adjustment depending on how COVID-19 plays out.

But, "home" for Erin now is Philly, and whether classes are on line or in person, she was ready to go. So, we packed up the RAV-4 and she and I headed across the midwest. (Grateful that my bosses were understanding of my previously made plans and let me take PTO for our road trip.)

This little taste of travel reminds me that I love to see new places and we enjoyed checking out gritty, industrial Pittsburgh and driving through the beauty of the Allegheny Plateau and Cumberland Valley of western and central Pennsylvania.

So now Erin is back in her adopted city. She has her car, her apartment, her friends. She'll be a junior in college come September. The world is her oyster. The pandemic may have slowed her down, but it won't stop her. Go get 'em, sweetie.

June 16, 2020

We have made our yearly trek to Lake Hubert. It's the place of so many childhood memories for Dan and Erin, and I love the ritual of returning here each year. Coffee by the Shannon rock each morning is the best way to start the day.

It has been such an unsettled time in our world that I've had trouble putting and thoughts down here on this blog. A pandemic is ongoing, but our attention turned to issues of racism and social justice and I've been feeling a bit helpless about how to make any sort of difference in this world.

We have all been listening and reading and processing as we try to be better humans. I am encouraged by Erin's generation and their attitudes towards love and acceptance of all people. Thank goodness the children are our future.

Erin is enjoying some much needed rest up here at the cabin. She completed her spring quarter of school - 20 credits worth - and she kicked ass, if I do say so myself! She's on her two week break before summer quarter begins. Summer quarter will be online as well, and then classes will return to campus in the fall in one form or another. Drexel, like many universities, is figuring out how to keep kids safe and healthy by utilizing their classroom spaces effectively. Erin will be living just off campus starting in September, in a house with 4 friends. At least she won't be in a huge communal living situation as she has been these first two years.

Erin is eager to get back to Philly, so she and I will road trip east sometime in July and move her back into her apartment. She will have a chance to work and earn some money in August and September while finishing summer quarter classes. It has been great to have her home for these four months, but it is not a good permanent solution. She wants her independence, and I can't blame her.

Since I am furloughed from work, I've had lots of time on my hands to stick my nose into Erin's business. This is week 3 of my 12 week furlough, and so far, I'm surviving. It has been a welcome change of scenery, leaving Rochester for the lake.

I'm taking a summer grad school course, which has been a lot of work, so that's helping to fill my time. Once Erin goes back to Philadelphia, I imagine those last few weeks of furlough might feel like an eternity.

I have to remind myself not to worry so much about what is ahead, and just enjoy what's here now.

And what's here and now is pretty great. I'm with my people in a peaceful place. The pandemic and strife are still very real, but they can take a backseat for a little while...

May 2, 2020

It is a glorious spring day in MN, which always reminds us why we live here. The next 5 months or so bring the kind of weather that allows for golfing, tennis, trips to the cabin... this will be a different kind of summer.

Since I last wrote, there has been a big development on the work front for me. Due to the lost revenue  caused by the COVID-19 shut down, Mayo Clinic has had to cut back on costs, including salaries. Temporary furloughs were announced for many teams and departments, including mine. I will begin a 12 week furlough on June 1. Many of my colleagues start their furloughs Monday, so it will be a different kind of job the next month until my furlough begins.

It has been such an unsettling time. Our team was once 20 people, then reduced to 13 when supplementals were let go in March. Now with furloughs, there will be 5 of us working on Monday, and just 3 of us starting May 18. We're really just in "keep the lights on" mode as we try to make it through the summer and, hopefully, return to full staffing in September.

It is hard to reconcile because we have been doing great, important work sharing information with the public about COVID-19. We have more viewers and listeners than ever to our news network site and our podcasts. But, reducing staffing is the fastest way to recoup lost revenue, so it must be done. It has been hard to deal with the emotions and support each other when we're all in our separate homes working remotely. We all, of course, can't imagine how the work can be done without us, but it can, and it's a good reminder that we aren't our jobs.

So, a lesson in resiliency for me and my co-workers as we each take our turn stepping away.

On the bright side, I have one more month to work and plan programming for the summer that can hopefully sustain us and keep our radio show and podcast alive. We'll see. I know things might look very different by the time I return in late August.

If you live in MN and you have to take a forced 12 week vacation, June, July and August are the months to do it. I am hopeful that our state will be more open for business come June and we can make our annual trek to Lake Hubert the first part of June when Erin has a break between quarters.

Erin is halfway through with this first quarter of remote learning. She's surviving the heavy credit load and already planning for the next quarter, which, unfortunately, will also be taught online. Philadelphia and Drexel are not quite ready to bring students back to campus for the summer quarter, but are making plans for fall quarter to be back to some form of normal, in person instruction.

Erin will stay with us through June, but once it's safe to return and campus opens back up, she's ready to return to her apartment, her friends, her life in Philly. We'll see if that can happen come July. She loves us and all, but Rochester is not where she wants to be!

We're still grateful that we're healthy and we've gotten this bonus time together. Dan and I laughed this week, reminiscing about sending Erin back to school after last winter break. I was weepy and sad because "she probably won't ever live with us again". Whoops... She's been here 6 weeks now with another 6 to go! It's been a lot of togetherness and we're all ready for something a little different, but we've made the most of getting to be a trio again for an extended time.

I'm hoping to fill my summer with golf, tennis, family and friends when the physical distancing restrictions relax. I can't wait.

April 10, 2020 - Turning (COVID) 19

Today is Erin's nineteenth birthday. We've been joking that she's turning COVID-19 or quaran-nine- teen. This is not exactly how she planned to spend her birthday as we find ourselves in the midst of dozens and dozens of days together as we try to do our part to flatten the coronavirus curve.

We will venture out today to get supplies to make a pasta dinner and pick up her favorite cookie cake. That will have to suffice as a celebration for this year. At least we get to be together.

Erin decided to make the most of her social distancing time by taking a full credit load of 20 credits this quarter. Drexel's distance learning started this past Monday and the quarter system means it's a 10 week sprint until this term ends and the next one begins. Erin's got a color coded calendar to help her keep track of her six classes and stay on top of the deadlines. We all hope this online learning is only necessary for one quarter, so we're crossing our fingers that she can return to Philly this summer.

We are all healthy and and doing our best to give each other space as we all try to live and work under one roof constantly. It's the first time in 20 years that Dan spent a month at home without any travel. 

My work continues to keep me busy and engaged as we tell stories and share information about the pandemic with the public. Talking with infectious disease specialists about the virus is fascinating. Dan and Erin might be getting sick of my daily reports on what I learned about coronaviruses! They are still humoring me... for now...

The happiest member of the household? That would be Gus, who gets multiple walks a day and always and find someone available to scratch his ears and rub his belly.

So tonight, we will celebrate Erin. We're proud of who she is. We're lucky she's ours. 

March 21, 2020

The world has turned upside down since I last wrote. A global pandemic has reached us, and we're all in uncharted territory. The coronavirus is changing everything for now - the way we work, the way we go to school, the way we interact with one another.

The logistics for our family included Dan's company suspending all travel, so he's "meeting" with customers via phone these days. He was already a home office guy, so has the tools here to do what he needs.

For me, work is busier than ever. Working in communications for the #1 hospital in the world during a global pandemic is some job security, I tell you! We went from producing a weekly radio program and podcast to producing a daily COVID-19 coronavirus podcast in the last 10 days. I am so grateful to get to work with experts in infectious diseases and other specialty areas to get the word out about what we know, what we should do, and what lies ahead. Shameless plug here - you should subscribe to Mayo Clinic Q&A on your favorite podcast provider to stay up to date:

https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/podcast/q-a/

Erin is the one with the biggest disruption of life due to social distancing. College is the opposite of social distancing! Erin came back to Rochester this past Monday, finished up winter quarter finals this week online, and now has an extended two week spring break. Starting April 6, Drexel's 10 week spring quarter will be taught completely online.

Drexel is unique in that it's a quarter system and sophomores like Erin go to school all four quarters. So, the hope is, Erin will be back in Philly when summer quarter starts mid-June. It was hard to pack up and come home and leave your friends and activities behind in the middle of you college experience. We're glad to have her home with us, but we know it's not where she's supposed to be.

For us, we will weather this storm. Yes, it is a disruption to life and yes, it may have long term consequences for industry, education, and health care. Things that affect us all. But, in the grand scheme of things, we are lucky.

We've been talking about those who are losing out on things they had planned - seniors in high school and college who might not get to have a graduation. Athletes who don't get to compete. Family and friends who had trips planned or were studying abroad. This is the year many of Shannon's friends will graduate from college and head out into the real world to try and start their careers. I feel for them in these uncertain economic times.

If you know me and Dan, you know we pass much of our time watching sports. With no golf, tennis, basketball, hockey or baseball on TV, we are a bit lost. Dan's been reading. I've been too busy at work  and also continuing my master's classes to need much leisure activity. We have been binge watching Better Call Saul and, in a fiction meets real world moment, we watched Contagion. So prescient.

We have jobs that continue, we have a home from which to work and school remotely. We can pay our bills. Gus and Sylvie are glad to have the company. They think sheltering at home is a great idea. We have it better than most.

These are difficult times, no doubt. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to your family. Sending love and peace to you all.

3 Generations take NYC

I am back in Rochester after a wonderful trip to Philadelphia and NYC. My mom and I did a planes, trains and automobiles adventure. It was our first time traveling together without baggage... I mean, husbands or children... :)

I had planned a "Galentine's" adventure that included some time at Drexel with Erin and her roommates, an overnight with mom's brother Brian and wife Julie in Buck's County, PA, and then an Amtrak ride to NYC for sightseeing, and, a chance to see the musical, Hamilton, on Broadway.

Despite all the hype and anticipation - Hamilton exceeded my expectations. I did my best not to sing along with every word. If you ever get the chance, go see it.

We had two days to enjoy NYC. Erin and I introduced Grandma to Uber and subway travel around Manhattan. We also walked 7 miles one day and 8 miles the next, checking out Central Park, shopping on 5th avenue, and enjoying an authentic Italian dinner in Little Italy. At 74, Grandma Gwen was more than up to the challenge. I'm so grateful for her good health and adventurous spirit.

The trip came at a great time for Erin. She's in the midst of a tough quarter of classes and a gray, winter season. A weekend away with two of her biggest fans was good for the soul. We laughed a lot and talked about life and dreams and goals, and reminded her that she doesn't have to have the world figured out at age 18. (She's still only 18!) She's still loving Drexel and has a great group of friends. I was glad to get to drop into her world for a first hand look.

I came out of the weekend reminded of the importance of the mother-daughter relationship. I am lucky to get a good draw on both sides of that equation. Being with my own mother reminds me that once a mother, always a mother. She still worries about me, in the same way I worry about Erin. We want to make the stresses and the hurts soften. We want to celebrate the successes and shout the accomplishments from the rooftop. 

One of the best things we can do for our daughters is lead by example. I do my best. I know my mom does, too.

"Here's to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them." 

Shannon Cup and Scholarship Night

January has come to a close... it's always one of the best and worst months of the year for us. We start off with the holiday hangover and the anniversary of Shannon's death, which always coincides with sending Erin back to school each year. That's a double whammy for this mom.

But, the month gets busy with our hockey fundraisers and the Shannon Cup, and it culminates in our annual scholarship night.

The Shannon Cup was a huge success once again. We had the great pleasure of meeting and talking with youth girl's teams from Farmington, MN, Des Moines, IA, Appleton, WI and many places in between. All in all, 24 teams featuring 300 girls came to Graham Arena and the majority of them visited our merchandise table and left with a Shannon O'Hara Foundation hoodie, hat, or t-shirt.

We love getting to meet these girls and share Shannon's story. We tell them about her love of hockey, but more importantly, about her love of team and friends. We try and spread a message of kindness. It's our small attempt to make a difference and make the world a better place.

The Rochester teams have embraced the Shannon Cup as their own, doing fundraising for the foundation. Two teams in particular this year, raised money through events and raffles.

The 12B Black girl's team presented us a check for $1,478. They were so proud to donate.

The 15A team, with girls who were playing in their last Shannon Cup before making the move to HS hockey, raised $4,001!

Mixed in amongst the Shannon Cup were two chances for the high school girls teams to support the foundation as well. The Lourdes girls held a Shannon night and donated three separate checks. Here are the words they shared:

Our first check represents the efforts of kids who are the same age as Shannon was during her playing days. During every home game, we have parents who purchase pucks and look for young kids to Chuck a Puck for Shannon. $110 represents their winning so far this year.

Our second check is a token of thanks from parents whose older daughters had the privilege of playing hockey with Shannon. The experience their daughter gained by being able to follow Shannon's journey has provided them with a sense of courage and appreciation that has been invaluable in their lives. This check is for $500.

Our third check is from the Lourdes High School Girls Hockey Family. It is an acknowledgment of how vital the Shannon O'Hara Foundation is not only for girl's hockey in Rochester but as an example to the entire hockey community of the difference one person can make in helping others. This check is for $999.99.

The number 9 represented in such a meaningful way.

The three public schools also did their part to support the SOF. Not only did the Mayo and Century girls teams volunteer all weekend at the merchandise table, Century, Mayo and John Marshall held their own Shannon night, coming together to donate $1,675.

The reason for all this fundraising? To give back. To make a difference in Shannon's memory and help local kids fund their education. Scholarship night is the chance to say thank you to the community and to recognize a few local kids for their efforts.

This year, 4 students were awarded $2,500 each toward their post-secondary education. Corrin Hanson (Lourdes), Megan Andrist (Century), Max Cothern (Mayo), and Sam Williams (Century) are the 2020 Shannon O'Hara Memorial Scholarship recipients.

And that's a wrap. We're exhausted but heartened by the events of the last month. We get to spend the month watching kids play hockey and reminiscing about Shannon's favorite times at the rink. In a world that's sometimes hard and cold, we are lifted up by the support from others. Acts of kindness always make a difference, so thank you to every person who donated a dollar or bought a t-shirt.

The Shannon O'Hara Foundation is going strong. We couldn't do it without you.

Another anniversary - Jan. 6, 2020

8 years ago on this day, our world fractured when Shannon passed away. We had spent the previous 9 short months in a sprint, focused on Shanon and what she wanted and needed.

Then, she was gone and we had to begin to pick up the pieces.

Grief and loss is not linear. Of course, anniversaries like this are hard. We expect that. What you don't expect is a song on the radio that reminds you, Or a place or a memory that just pops into your head unexpectedly. Those are the moments that can blindside you and buckle you at the knees.

Dan and I put Erin on a plane back to college yesterday, and then watched an absolutely improbable win by the Minnesota Vikings. We couldn't help but think - Shannon would have loved that. She would have been screaming at the TV, right along with me and Dan.

At least that's what we imagine. Would Shannon still be a crazy fan? I assume so, but who knows if what Shannon was at 13 is who she'd be at 21.

And that's the thing. We never get to know what she would have been. As a mother, that's what hurts the most.

I've come to realize that being a mother is one of my favorite roles. And I don't get to do it as much any more. Erin is growing up and Shannon is gone. Yes, of course, Erin still needs me sometimes. But, more and more she handles things on her own and makes her own decisions. As it should be. But that doesn't mean I don't miss being needed.

So that's the emotion I feel today, after 8 years of living without Shannon. I miss what we didn't get to have. I miss getting more chances to be a mom to that  spunky, brown-eyed girl.

I'm grateful every day for Dan and Erin and our ability to weather the waves that don't stop. Today is another anniversary. Tomorrow is a new day.

Jan. 1, 2020

Happy New Year!

The calendar has flipped to a new year and a new decade. I always like the fresh start - another chance to do better and be better in a new year. A clean slate holds so much promise.

There has been a lot of talk about the new decade ahead and reminiscing about the decade we just completed. It's impossible not to fixate on Shannon's illness and death when I think about the past decade. It is the marker in time of before and after, of naiveté and innocence lost.

In 2010, we were in the throes of raising two girls, running them to hockey practice, soccer practice, piano lessons... all the things that kids need to do to be well rounded and grow up right. I, in the way I do, was planning out what was next and where they were headed. I could see what I thought was their future - Willow Creek Middle School, then Mayo HS, playing sports for the Spartans, of course, and then on to college to pursue a passion that could become a career.

10 years later, our little family has learned so much about ourselves and the world. We learned about grace and accepting love and support. We found people who are a part of our tribe - those people who talk about Shannon and continue to show up when we need them most. These 10 years showed us we can be stronger than we ever imagined we could be. In this past decade, we had to find a new way to be a family, to honor our missing piece, but still go on living with hope for the future. We had to accept a new normal.

It has been a bit of a solemn holiday season for me, Dan and Erin. No particular reason that it hit us harder this year than others. Our 8th Christmas without Shannon, which is hard to believe. I think the concept of families gathering from near and far just bring a painful reminder that our family will always have a void where Shannon and her life should be. We're just 5 days from marking her passing yet again. The calendar can be unforgiving.

But again, a new year is a fresh start, and we get a new decade this time, too.

What will the next 10 years look like? I hope for Erin to continue to enjoy college, then graduate school, then have a chance to pursue a career. (Side note - I hope that tuition payments end!) Will she be "settled" somewhere in 10 years? Who knows...

I hope for Dan and I to get to travel more in these next 10 years. I hope he gets to retire in this next decade. What will that look like? Who knows...

I hope I continue to love what I do, and to find my work challenging and engaging. I hope for good health and time with the people I love. I hope for more adventures and to see more of the world.

So cheers to 2020. You hold so much promise. Let's get started.