I'm really struggling today. With acceptance, with the April from hell, with Charter for not having the pay-per-view title we want. Just not feeling the strength I had earlier this week when I knew our fight was going to require tons of it. Our "new normal" pisses me off.
Shannon is getting an early taste of the "discomfort" the drugs and radiation will require her to endure for the next 6 weeks. Her stomach has really been bugging her especially later in the day. She thinks she can feel the drugs working behind her eyeballs. Brother Tim, Suzi, Maggie and Sean were with us Friday night surfing around between NHL and NBA playoff games. Even the Twins rainout pissed me off since our night was built around eating pizza and watching the Twins. But listening to Shannon talk smack with cousin Sean is worth the price of admission. Seanny likes his NBA. Shannon likes hockey players. Funny stuff.
This morning the Fireballs lost 4-3. A really good building block experience for the squad. We need to work on throw-ins and corner kicks, for sure. The 5th graders had fun. But the field was soaked and it was 42 degrees and drizzly and someone...someone...anyone please make the sun shine. I need to feel it on my face and find strength.
Shannon and I slept in our big bed together last night - she was beat. We both were out by 9:30. At 5:00a I awoke and she was awake and we had a good talk about the pain and the anger and the sadness and that is OK to let it go every once in awhile. And we did. She was just full of chatter. She felt great and had energy and was craving an Egg McMuffin from McDonald's. I think she wants to get up and get after it before taking the chemo that creates the feelings inside her that are unfamiliar and uncomfortable. So my sense is that our days will start early. I am in.
Shannon and Grandma watched Erin's game from the sidelines in about 10 layers of clothes and blankets and that also pissed me off. So we are canceling our T-Time at Soldiers Field to play a practice round on the front 9 where Shannon will play a JV match for the Mayo Girls Golf team Tuesday. Oh well.
Ipod to the rescue again; Cat Stevens, Can't keep it in. Perfect. I'm up for your love, love heats my blood.
Tomorrow is Easter.
