I was a bit agitated today. Overall, things went fine – Shannon went to school, Erin went to school, Dan worked, I worked… but, today was just hard. People irritated me. Things irritated me. I’m sad and mad at the same time.
Shannon is really processing what she's feeling and she's being more honest about what she wants – and what she doesn’t. When the day starts with a conversation on the way to school where your 12 year old tells you she doesn’t want to end up in a hospital bed, that she wants to pursue treatment but not at the expense of quality of life, that she wants to have the ability to do the things she loves until the day she dies, well, maybe that’s why I am sad and mad today. There are so many questions about what's ahead for her and us and there are no answers. It must play out over time. Tough, tough stuff…
A group of Shannon's friends had rubber bracelets made (think Livestrong). They are lime green - Shannon's favorite color - and they say "Shannon the Cannon" on one side, and "Fight Like A Girl" on the other. A pretty cool gesture of support and we are all sporting them proudly. Shannon was going to bring one for each of her buddies at her lunch table, but by the time she saw them, each of them was already wearing one!
Shannon came home early from school today with a little nausea, but it was easily fixed by getting something in her stomach. We joked about her snacking her way through the day to keep her tummy settled. Before she jumps in the car to head somewhere, she stops at the pantry first!
Healing went well – we were in and out in 15 minutes flat today. Not too much chit chat as everyone wanted to get on with things and get out and enjoy the sunshine. In the afternoon, Shannon, Dan, and Papa enjoyed the nice weather by getting out on the golf course and playing a few holes.
There will be days like today. I just have to accept that. This journey is hard and overwhelming and sometimes we struggle. But, sometimes we have enough strength to buoy the others. We take turns protecting. We take turns having perspective. Sometimes it's me, sometimes it's Dan, sometimes it's Erin, and often it's Shannon. It wasn't my turn today, but tomorrow is another chance to get it right.
