The family room remodel carries on. Things must be torn down to be built back up again: the fireplace has been demolished, paneling covered up, walls skimmed, and carpet torn out. Chaos often proceeds progress...
A metaphor for our lives? Possibly. The three of us are doing some serious deconstructing - we are in a period of chaos. We are doing the tough work of sharing our emotions and thoughts and fears with each other in the hopes that we can make progress - progress towards fulfillment, contentment, and hopefully, some happiness.
Erin has been emotional this past week, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. She is willing to share her feelings with Dan and I, although sometimes we are not quite ready to receive the full brunt of them! Some days, we barely have the mental capacity to deal with our own emotions. But, on the bright side, Erin's not bottling things up or shutting us out. She's telling us when she's mad or sad or lonely. She's dealing as best as any 10 year old could. It's almost too much to bear, but there is no other option. So, she carries on.
She admitted to us that going to school is really difficult. Passing by Shannon's locker or seeing Shannon's group of friends - those things are really hard for E. But again, what are the options? She has to go to school. So, we make her get up each day and try to keep moving forward.
The chaos in our hearts and minds means we are grieving, but the fact that we manage each day to go out into the world and do the best we can means we are coping. There is no right way. Even baby steps can add up, and eventually you get where you want to go.
We've been reading a daily meditation as a family each morning over breakfast. Today's passage: "The man who removed mountains began by carrying away small stones" - Chinese proverb
