I was asleep for about 5 hours before a really vivid Shannon dream woke me. She was getting dropped off in the driveway after a practice of some kind. I couldn't wait to tell her about one of her friends that had survived local qualifying for the US Open. But then I woke up...
Sunday I read through some of letters presented to us in a three-ring binder by the 8th graders at Willow Creek Middle School. The "I heart Shannon" logo on the cover has been starting at me for days. So I started paging through them. It didn't take long before I was covered in tears. I went to Erin for comfort when I got to full sob. She held my hand.
I have been absorbing bits and pieces of the many books and grieving resources we have been sent. I don't know, maybe I have been floating down the river denial - I am trying to face this thing as often as I can. But those letters just got me. Over and over the same theme..."that smile"..."what a fighter"..."she always made me laugh"..."she was so smart"...
I'm reading that grief can overtake you at anytime and without warning. For the first time Sunday I experienced that - the physical ache. So, I got that going for me...which is nice.
Steely Dan playing on the Ipod now....Only a Fool Would Say That...
Team O'Hara is transitioning into a new day. Our downstairs remodel is underway. The wood pellet fireplace is gone. The brown paneling is next.
Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to make it home again
It's so far and out of sight
I really need someone to talk to, and nobody else
Knows how to comfort me tonight
I know, I need to update my playlist...but the Steely Dan, Elton John, Hall and Oates, Bob Seger and Springsteen vinyl I wore out as a kid are like "comfort food" to me right now.
Time for some exercise. I have about 120 days to train for the The Med City Half...
