So, my first two days of high school have gone well... oh, wait, this is not about me... As I was saying, Erin's first two days of high school have gone well. She is definitely ready for more responsibility and independence. And I am ready to give it to her. I think...
I still catch myself wanting to step into places where I am no longer needed. Erin is very gentle with me when she reminds me to butt out. Fly birdie, fly...
Miss E likes her teachers and is enjoying the fact that older kids are mixed right into her classes. It will be a good course load for her with Honors options in 4 of her 6 classes. Add volleyball games twice a week, practice the other three days and confirmation every other Wednesday and, let's just say, we're going to be busy.
But, busy is good. It means that we are moving, and hopefully, that means moving forward. Everything in Erin's life from here on out is new to us. I have really been feeling this, deeply. I'm doing my best to cherish it for what is, not worry about what will be, and not lament what never was. We've got a lot of positives in our lives. I will try to keep my focus on that.
There is so much to be gained if you can live in the present. I know this, and yet it's a constant struggle for me. Why? I don't know. I still catch myself projecting too far down the road, wondering about the what ifs. I have to remind myself to just stay here, be present. This is a lesson I seem to have to learn over and over again. I can very easily get sucked in to feeling the weight of the past and the fear of the future.
I guess I am recognizing that it's something I've lost along the way - that feeling that I can control things, that preparation will make everything right. Somehow, I could trick myself into believing that if I just do a really good job of worrying about everything, then everything will turn out ok in the end. Truth is, I never did have control of what will be. I was just fooling myself...
So, I take a step back and remind myself to just be present. Erin is off to day 3 of high school. That is good. We will tackle what's right here in front of us, then go to bed and get up tomorrow to do it all again. One day at a time. That, my friends, is life.
"Remember then: there is only one time that is important - now! It is the most important time because it is the only time when we have any power." - Leo Tolstoy
