Monday May 20, 2013

I was sitting down to write a joy-filled blog this evening, only to hear news of schoolchildren in Oklahoma who have perished in a tornado.  Awful.  So hard to accept the unexplainable.

But, I'm still feeling the love from a weekend of celebration.  Saturday's book launch party brought together friends and family to help us toast the publication of Determined to Matter.  My publishers even came to town to meet the characters they've been reading all about!

My parents came in from Nevada for the festivities.  They were proud, and I guess no matter how old you are, it still feels good to please your parents.  Erin was happy and proud, too.  If you can get compliments from your tween daughter, you have to consider it a pretty good night.

 

But, the whole point of writing this book is to help us remember Shannon and carry her with us as we move on.  Sure, it's nice to have people tell you "good job" and writing a book does feel like a big accomplishment.  Of course I hope we sell a lot of copies because that will help support the Shannon O'Hara Foundation.  But, in the end, I wrote this book to remember Shannon.  To remember her spirit and to hopefully help others remember to live a good life in the time you have here.

Shannon symbolizes so much good for those of us who knew her.  One of Shannon's cousins, Sean, couldn't be with us at the party.  He had a prior commitment - graduating from college.  Seanny has a giant heart, and he carries Shannon's spirit with him.  He even took her along to graduation.

Friday May 17, 2013

My brain has been in overdrive this week.  Much has been going on, and most of it is good.

The best news this week is that I have a full set of teeth.  Finally!  50 weeks after my initial tooth extraction, my dental implants are in place.  After 3 oral surgeries, countless narcotics, 5 days in the hospital, 30 days with a PICC line in, and 11 months without teeth, I am whole again.  No part of that was fun, except getting to the end.  So that's that.

Since I'm a glutton for punishment, I did my dental implants and my radiation oncology follow up appointments on the same day.  Dr. Laack is pleased with the healing process.  I have some scar tissue that's causing a little loss of range of motion and, unfortunately for this lefty, it's on my left side.  But, there are exercises and stretches and even further treatment for that if necessary.  All things considered, I am healing very well.  The next step in my cancer journey has me heading back to the Breast Clinic to start a regimen of the anti-cancer drug, Tamoxifen, in the next few weeks.

All in all, a good week for me at the WFMC. (World Famous Mayo Clinic)

Now we are gearing up for a very fun weekend.  Family and friends are coming to town to celebrate the publication of the book.  All these people who supported us and believed in me as I took on this project.  This is the beginning of my great book adventure.  I am so excited to share it with all of them.  It should be quite a party.

Today brought us some solemn moments, though.  We attend the funeral of a woman gone too soon.  Breast cancer took Carla at the age of 50.  Her son Jordan is an only child,  and they had a beautiful relationship.  The love between mother and son, and the way they took care of each other is inspiring.  I hope he can carry on her spirit.  I think he will.

So I left the church today mindful of trying to live a good life.  Each time someone leaves this earth, I am reminded to enjoy my time here on it.  And each time I go to a funeral, I think about Shannon.  We can't know how long we will be here, so do it right each and every day.  Carla did.  Shannon did.  And I'm trying.

Wednesday May 15, 2013

It has been such a good stretch of days here and we have all been in good spirits.  Particularly Erin.  She has been feeling good and has just been a joy to be around.  We have evolved into this family of three, and we have found we can still have fun.  We weren't sure that would happen, so this feels like progress.

Erin is settling in to her place in our triangle, and I think she is finding her comfort zone.  She makes us laugh, and we share inside jokes with her just like we do with our adult friends.  Right or wrong, we often treat her like the third adult here in our house.

But, she still is just a 12 year old girl.  The other night, she asked me if I would play Mario Kart with her on the Wii.  An hour later, we had played not only Mario Kart, but several other games, most of which Erin won handily!  As I tucked her in that night, she thanked me for playing and then said, "Even though I'm mature, I still need a playmate sometimes."  Of course you do...

That made me realize that the improvement in Erin's mood has coincided with her being busy with friends and activities.  She has become very good at organizing her social life, and it's rare that we have to say no.  See, the cold hard truth is, with only one child, there is rarely a conflict that prevents Erin from doing what she wants.  She is my first priority, and, for better or for worse, I am at her beck and call.

But, I am happy to be there.  And, after what she has been through, I don't think Erin will ever fall into the spoiled category.  She has too much awareness of life's ups and downs to ever take anything for granted.  Some of her youth was robbed from her, but she is finding her way.

16 school days left until summer vacation.  Now that will make her really happy! 

Determined to Matter

OK, Rochester peeps - another self promoting post here:  the deadline for reserving your copy of the book for the kick off event at the RAC is just two days away.

To reserve your copy, email:  thrive@racmn.com
In the subject line:  book order
In the body:  specify hardcover or paperback and how many copies

Please reserve by May 15th - that's Wednesday!

Happy Mother's Day

Today I am thinking about the best job I've ever had.  I will spend the day with Erin and Dan, playing a round of golf and doing a little shopping.

And, of course, missing the one who isn't here.  Sweet Shannon made me a mother for the first time and, honestly, I didn't know what I was doing.  But, we figured it out together, and we did all right.

Happy Mother's Day, everyone.

2005

Friday May 10, 2013

It's been a good day for Team O'Hara.  Heck, it's been a pretty good week.  Dan had a successful sales week, I had a productive week around the house, and Erin clicked off five more school days which bring the total days left in the school year down to 18.

My productive week involved not so glamorous jobs like cleaning out the water softener brine tank and starting a riding lawn mower with a dead battery.  More than once, I might add.  See, I got it started with a jump from my trusty ol' mini van, but then when the mower ran out of gas, well, the battery didn't have enough juice to start again.  So, I had to push the lawnmower from the back yard down to the garage in order to use the van to jump start it again.  Nothing but glamour here on Willow Lane...

But, today was a good day.  My author copies of Determined to Matter were delivered this afternoon.  I have seen versions of the book along the way, but to see it in it's finished form is pretty damn cool.  I must admit that caused me to shed a few tears.  But, pride and joy came along with those tears, so I headed off to golf practice with Miss E feeling pretty good.

The best was yet to come.

We were hosting a meet at home and we had our 12 girls lined up to play varsity and JV.  It turned out that the other schools involved in the meet couldn't field a full JV, so we needed 5 more girls to step in and play today.  Guess who got a chance to play?  E was a ball of nerves, and waiting and watching 14 groups tee off first only added to her stress level.

But, when her turn came, she stepped up and ripped one off the first tee.  Playing with a junior and a sophomore, Erin handled herself just fine and got around nine holes with a score of 66.  She was so excited and proud.  So were Mom and Dad.

I had a moment out there with Coach Myhro as we watched Erin play the ninth hole.  We both recognized a bit of deja vu.  Seeing Erin out there doing that was wonderful.  Two years and seven days ago we were standing there watching Shannon do the same thing...

But today was about Erin, as it should be.  She's already hoping we can play a round of golf together as a family on Mother's Day.  Sounds good to me.

Sunday May 5, 2013

Dan and I are up enjoying coffee and sunshine.  Erin is taking advantage of the chance to sleep in.  She has been keeping quite the social calendar - she had a friend over Wednesday, a different friend over Thursday, out to a movie and sleepover with yet another friend on Friday.  To keep her streak alive, the three of us headed out to dinner at a friend's house on Saturday.  Erin is enjoyable and entertaining in all these settings, and we feel as though we continue to settle into our life as a family of three.  It's not too hard considering Erin is pretty comfortable hanging out with people ranging in age from 12 to 65...

Dan and I are very conscious of Erin and her needs.  With the publication of the book, this month is going to involve public appearances and lots of "Shannon stuff", for lack of a better term.  While the book and the foundation is really about all of us moving forward, to Erin it's a little bit stifling to have Shannon so present in our everyday lives right now.  Erin deserves the chance to live and laugh and be who she was meant to be.  We are doing our best to let her know that's all we expect.

Yesterday's radio interview went well.  While I'm not a medical expert, I am an "expert" on our journey and Shannon's battle.  I can converse easily about these things, and I do believe those dates and memories will be with me forever.

I was thinking yesterday that I don't cry as much about Shannon any more.  I don't know if that's a good thing, but it just is.  Maybe it's that I feel something positive right now with the book launch.  Maybe it's that we're further away from Shannon's death.  Maybe it's progress.  

I still feel a deep, painful heartache when something reminds me of her - a song on the radio, a game on TV, a story about her popping to mind.  Dan and I watched her tribute video this morning, and I can feel it in my gut when I hear her voice.  

But, we are grateful to have those things - pictures, videos, stories, memories.  I guess that's how we keep Shannon with us as we move further and further down the road...