Wednesday May 30, 2018

In two weeks, it will all be over: high school, grad party, graduation, all night senior party, HS golf. I am stressing out because there is much to do in the next two weeks, but I'm also trying to enjoy the "lasts" along the way.

We've been doing the grad party scene the last couple of weekends and I'm stealing ideas left and right! I know it doesn't matter what color the tablecloths are or what the centerpieces look like. I'm doing my best to organize some pictures and memorabilia to honor Erin and show where she's been and where she's going. I know it's the people that will make the party. I'm also stressing out about the weather. I know it's irrational, and completely out of my control. But, I seem to think it's my job to worry, so that's what I am doing.

It is a strange time for me and my mom squad friends. We're reaching an end, but it's a beginning, too. A beginning of our kids independence. A signal that it's time to let go, at least a little. It's time for them to "figure it out" without as much help from mom (and dad).

Like every new stage that Erin reaches, it carries extra weight for us. While that's not fair to Erin, it's just how it is. The last time we celebrated a graduation, it was watching Shannon's classmates graduate, looking at her empty chair in the arena. Erin's graduation is a reminder that Shannon didn't get to graduate. I'm carrying her in my mind and my heart as we navigate these days with Erin.

We remember Shannon. We celebrate Erin. We do both at the same time.

Wednesday May 9, 2018

Time speeds on as our usual busy spring feels extra important this year. It's our last go round with high school activities and Dan and I are doing our best to enjoy every last event. That meant watching Erin golf in the sun on Monday and in the rain yesterday. We love it either way.

Erin is tolerating our presence at her meets. With the late start to the season, they have been playing three meets a week. Golf season is helping us all get our steps in every day. We're so lucky that Erin likes having us around. Last night, after her golf meet, we grabbed a pizza and the three of us laughed and laughed and laughed. I don't even remember about what, but I know we loved being together.

The local paper did a lovely article on Erin, who has been a 5 year varsity golfer. But, it was less about her golf game and more about the kind of kid she is and how she's navigated life after the loss of Shannon. We couldn't be prouder of her.

It's this strange space where everything you are doing is leading you to the next stage of life, all while you're trying to enjoy the events that get you there. You know what comes next, but you're not quite there.

Because spring wasn't crazy enough for us, we decided to adopt a puppy from the local shelter. Meet Gus!

Sunny the wonder dog is doing her best to train him in, and he's getting the hang of it. Sylvie the cat is much less interested in being friends. Gus is a sweet boy, but he's all puppy right now. It's been a long time since I had to potty train anyone!

A month from today is graduation. It's both an end and a beginning. It's got me feeling excited and nostalgic all at once. One day at a time, Jen... one day at a time...