Wednesday March 29, 2017

The Facebook flashback have been particularly poignant this week. If you're an FB'er, you know the ones. "On this day 6 years ago..."

I feel like the flashback should say "On this day 6 years ago, you had no idea what life would hold for you." or "In this picture you had no idea that all hell would break loose two weeks later."

That spring break 6 years ago, we took Shannon and Erin to NYC and Washington, DC for the first time. Shannon was 12, Erin was 9. I loved planning our perfect family vacation for our perfect little family. Nothing would ever be "perfect" again.

We came home from that spring break, Erin turned 10, and Shannon was diagnosed. I don't need pictures to remind me of those days. It's burned into my memory in a way I'll never forget.

I shared Shannon's story with some new people this week as the Mayo Girls Golf season has kicked off. At the parent meeting, we always share information about our golf fundraiser with the new families. I wasn't very smooth when I talked about Shannon. Tears were close. Sometimes it just hits me like that.

I guess there's some comfort in that. Knowing that the wound never completely heals. Shannon lives on deep in the pain of these memories. Day-to-day life goes by without really "feeling" sometimes. Maybe that's self preservation. Maybe it's lack of attention to detail. Either way, the pictures this week are conjuring up the memories and I am feeling them deeply.

Next week is spring break again. Erin and I are headed to NYC. We've never done a mother/daughter trip, so we're both really looking forward to it. It's a college visit/16th birthday adventure.

6 years ago, I never imagined that I'd be taking that 9 year old to look at schools. 6 years ago, I didn't know that 9 year old would be my one and only.

Erin has persevered better than we could have hoped or imagined. She has goals and dreams and she's working towards them. I'm glad she didn't give up when her world was turned upside down at age 10. Erin will live with the loss of Shannon longer than any of us. She deserves the world. I hope we can help deliver it.