January 6, 2015

It's our anniversary today - three full years now of living without Shannon.  The heartache is still very real.  Time does not heal all wounds...

We talk about her often and remember her in every way we can.  Yesterday, the three of us were discussing those final days of Shannon's life, of her struggles to eat and breathe as her life came to an end.  Those are memories we will never shake.  The bright full moon this week was eerily reminiscent of those final days in 2012.

During our conversation last night, Dan said, "I really can't believe where we are three years down the road."  To which Erin replied, "I know, I think we're doing pretty well".   And it's true.  We're doing all right.  It's OK for us to celebrate the fact that we are surviving and even sometimes thriving.

Despite that, Erin awoke this morning in sadness.  She doesn't cry often,  but there were tears to start this day as she feels the loss of her best friend.  So much for Miss E to bear at a young age.  She lost a whole future with her big sis.

So today, we will each do what needs doing - Erin is off to school, Dan is on the road again, and I am holding down the homefront.  But, we'll do it with an ache in our heart and a lump in our throat.  No way around it.  Just gotta get through it.

While the three of he us know we must carry on, we also know we are not alone.  One of Shannon's gifts to us are the people who lift us up, people who came to know us better along on this now almost 4 year journey from diagnosis through illness to death and into our new normal.

Messages are already arriving this morning from those who also feel the loss.  There is great comfort in that.  We want - we need - people to remember, so thank you.  We never mind hearing her name.  She is with us always.

"Your absence has gone through me 
Like thread through a needle.  
Everything I do is stitched with its color."
-- W.S. Merwin