Valentine's Day

Operation Escape Winter is in full swing.  Erin and her "second momma" headed to California this afternoon and Erin has now been reunited with her buddy Ariana - and Tommie Trojan - on the USC campus.

Erin told me very politely this week that she was excited to be going somewhere without me.  She said "We spend A LOT of time together!"  True enough.

As for Dan and I ... it's been a little work getting here, but we are on our way to Vegas.  Dan actually bought the tickets last minute - as in today!  I returned home from my MSP drop off to find out that we were really going.  It's been an on again off again thing all week, and I went to bed last night feeling sorry for myself because it didn't look like it would happen.    

Now, we had to drive 3 1/2 hours to Sioux Falls to catch an Allegiant Flight, but after this winter, we'd do anything to know what 78 degrees feels like.  So, after having a nice dinner at Minerva's in downtown Sioux Falls, I am writing this blog from the airport and I am fairly confident that we will be in Vegas later tonight. 

I told Dan this might be our best Valentine's Day ever.  He told me he'd do anything to make me happy :)  Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

Monday February 10, 2014

I know I sound like a broken record, but it was -11 when I drove Erin to school this morning.  Really?  I asked Dan if I'm allowed to retire and move south even if I don't have a job... (By the way, I'm working on that.  Still hopeful for an opportunity to use my skills...)

For now, we have no choice around here but to continue to bundle up and get through the days.  The weekend was busy -  catching up on work for Dan, volleyball and homework for Erin, tennis, laundry and taxi service for me.  Everything that needed doing got done, and we are ready for the week ahead.

At least this week provides the prospect of getting out of town for a few days.  Dan and I are working on a last minute get away possibility.  Miss Erin already has travel plans that are set in stone - Friday she will head to LA to visit her friend, Ariana, who is a freshman at USC.  Dan and my only concern is that Erin won't want to come home and will convince someone that she should be admitted to the university immediately!

Erin is quite excited to see Ariana - her big sister from another mother - and experience another college campus.  This one just happens to be located in close proximity to the beach and Disneyland.  When in Rome...

But, it's only Monday.  There is work to be done.  Time to get moving...

Wednesday February 5, 2014

This has been a week of forcing myself to do all the paperwork stuff that's been piling up on my desk. I've been putting away files from the Shannon Cup and scholarships, making notes of changes to me made and ways to improve.

I've just finished writing this month's SOF newsletter (I hope you are on the distribution list - I used a new format that's pretty cool.) And, today,  I forced myself to get our tax stuff together.

I always pull out the previous year's tax return for comparison and that provided a gut shot this afternoon.  There on line 6a of our 2012 return was Shannon's name, social security number, and relationship to us:  Daughter.  Dependent.

 2013 will be the first year that the government - for tax purposes - doesn't recognize Shannon.

I know this is a silly little thing, but it got to me.  She's further in the past every day.

We were at the Mayo basketball game the other night and looking into that student section is hard.  It seems her friends and classmates are becoming young adults so quickly.  I still catch myself when I see them around - I'm always looking for their parents to say hello.  Then I remember, they are driving themselves everywhere these days.  No parents needed.  

Mayo's Sweetheart Dance is next week.  I can't help but wonder who Shannon might have asked.  Do you think she would have had any trouble getting a boy to go with her?  I wish I could see it...

This is all just my mind playing games with me.  Wishful thinking.  Projecting to what might have been.  Not necessarily productive for me, but sometimes I can't help myself.

So, I've been listening to good music, working around the house, and working to just accept what is, what will never be, and what may yet come.  I feel sad sometimes, but I'm alright.  Yes, grief and recovery is definitely a wobbly figure 8...

Some of the music on my iPod this week has really been reaching me.  I've had a nice mix of bands and artists:  Lorde, A Great Big World, The Lumineers, Of Monsters and Men.  Lots of good stuff there, so check them out.

But my favorite has been the album "All the Little Lights" by Passenger (which is just the stage name for a British singer-songwriter named Michael David Rosenberg.)  You might recognize his song Let Her Go from the cute puppy love Budweiser Super Bowl ad.

All the songs on this album are worth a listen, but my favorite might be Holes:

Well sometimes you can't change and you can't choose
And sometimes it seems you gain less that you lose
Now we've got holes in our hearts, yeah we've got holes in our lives
Where we've got holes, we've got holes but we carry on

Monday February 3, 2014

The winter season of fundraising came to a close yesterday.  The Shannon Cup events were even more successful this year than last, and the legend of Shannon and her story are being carried on by a new group of girls.

Most of these 10 and 12 year olds never met Shannon, but they know her story now.  They know her favorite color and lime green could be seen on ribbons in their hair and tape on their helmets and sticks.  Everyone had lime green laces.  One of the goalies even lined her pads with lime green tape.  Heck, even the other teams got into the spirit as we saw the White Bear Lake team sporting Shannon stickers on their helmets.  Cool.

We also watched our friend's daughter play wearing Shannon's equipment.  Margaret has finally grown into Shannon's gear, and she wears it with pride.  Much better to see that helmet out on the ice than sitting in a closet...

Dan, Erin and I took in a dozen games this weekend, trying to catch each Rochester team playing. Yesterday, while watching a game, a group of girls came up to us.  Dan said "hello" and they asked, "Are you Shannon's dad?"
"Yes, I am."
"Cool.  We just wanted to meet you."

These are the girls that will help us continue our mission now that Shannon's peers are aging out of youth hockey.

We visited each of these teams during their practice earlier this week to wish them well in their tournaments and tell them a little bit more about Shannon.  How she loved hockey, but she really loved being a good teammate.  That's what mattered to her most.  If they want to be like Shannon, they should work hard on the ice and be nice off it.

These teams wanted to win the Shannon Cup so badly.  You could see it in victory - the elation of the 12B Rebels after winning the championship in overtime.  And, you could see it in defeat - the tears flowing from the 10B team after losing their championship game in overtime.

We were there to hand out medals and trophies, give high fives to winners and hugs to those who felt defeat.  It was really fun for us to see these girls play.  Definitely brings back so many good memories for me and Dan.

So, that wraps up our hockey fundraising events for the year.  The Shannon Fund is now at $48,000.  We are humbled and grateful.  Thank you.

Thursday January 30, 2014

It's been a week of connections for me.  So many people responding to the WCCO piece on Sunday and the nice Post Bulletin article about the scholarship night on Monday.  I've received messages from dear friends and from people I've never met.  It is a strange world in which I live now...

The support continues to amaze us.  Saturday night at the hockey rink, there were friends there just to support our cause, to support us.  I will be forever grateful for these connections ,and I can't imagine my life now without these people.

There was a great op-ed piece by David Brooks in the NY Times a couple weeks ago.  It's about how to be there to support people who have been through tragedy.  It's one writer's take on a blog written by a victim of tragedy.  Both the piece - and the blog - are worth a read.  Find them here: NYTimes - The Art of Presence

I connect with so many of the ideas in the article, but after this weekend, the concept of firefighters and builders really stuck with me.  The blogger, Catherine Woodwiss, distinguishes between two types of people who help you survive trauma:  firefighters and builders.  Firefighters are those people who can drop everything and jump into the fray with you immediately after trauma.  Builders are those people who will help you reconstruct your life, bit by bit, over the long haul.  You need both to survive.

As I watched those friends who came to support us on Saturday,  I realized we have a lot of builders in our lives now.

Another concept that Woodwiss shares is that healing is seasonal, not linear.  I've talked about this before, but she says it better:  "In the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8.  It's perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another... only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year."

I think that's why the giving of the scholarships last weekend felt so good, and yet left me with a pit in my stomach that I can't shake.  It's so good and so wrong at the same time.  I don't think I'll ever be able to completely reconcile that feeling.

This is not to take anything away from what we are trying to do in Shannon's memory.  We are absolutely sure that this is the best way to honor her while doing some good.  The WCCO piece was very well done and told our story in a touching way.  Our scholarship winners were happy and proud and honored.  This is all good stuff.  What more could we ask?  But... there's always a but...

Catherine Woodwiss sums it up: "In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma.  The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on.  So will you."

‘Shannon The Cannon’ Lifts Girls’ Hockey Team « CBS Minnesota

‘Shannon The Cannon’ Lifts Girls’ Hockey Team « CBS Minnesota

Saturday January 25, 2014

Wow, wow, wow.  What a night.  We are humbled by the support of our community and our hockey friends once again.

Tonight we received $500 donations from the Mayo Girls and John Marshall Boys Hockey programs. We had received one for the same amount from the Century Girls earlier this year.  So very cool to have these high school programs support us in this way.

Thanks to a great fundraising year, we were able to give not just two, but three scholarships tonight.

This year's winners of the Shannon O'Hara Memorial Scholarships are: Katie Aney from Century HS, Bethany Gibson for Mayo HS, and Sam Broman from John Marshall HS.

It was truly a joy to interact with these kids and their families tonight, and they accepted the honor with such pride.  We couldn't ask for more.  It's a way we can honor our girl, and that feels good.  (FYI - after receiving the Shannon scholarship, Sam scored two goals in tonight's game!)

I have to give a shout out to Erin - she spent 8 hours playing volleyball today, hustled home to shower , dress, and put a smile on her face to go and honor her sister.  She's a beauty inside and out.

If you haven't had enough of us, you can tune in to Rosen's Sports Sunday tomorrow night on WCCO-TV.  A reporter and photographer came down a couple of weeks ago and hung out with us for the Shannon Cup.  The story will air tomorrow night on Channel 4 after the 10 o'clock news.

We never intended this to be our life, but we do intend to hold our heads up and do what we can do while we are here.  For Shannon.