Monday March 25, 2013

Erin was full of questions this weekend:

Can I have a sleepover?  Yes.

Can I get a puppy?  No.

Can I get a bikini?  Yes.

Can we have a new baby?

The sleepover and bikini shopping went well.  Erin's friends are great kids and they think Dan is funny, so he says they are welcome any time.  After Friday's sleepover, we hit the mall.  Erin was happy to find that new swimsuit along with a pair of shorts and a cute dress.  All those items will make the trip to the desert later this week.

Those other two questions were topics of discussion all weekend long.

Sunny went to the groomer on Saturday, so that took the three of us to the pet store.  Lots of dogs were parading around and Erin wishes we could have a second one in the house to liven things up. But, I'm not up for training a puppy, so the answer, for now, is no.

Erin has been watching our old home videos of her as an infant and toddler, so she's had babies on her mind.  Then, we ended up seated behind a beautiful baby girl yesterday at Palm Sunday mass.  The little girl had big brown eyes and a curious mind.  Reminded us of Erin back in the day.  On the way home, Erin said, "Why don't you guys have another baby?  It would be so fun and I would be a good big sister."  Now, the fact that I think a puppy is too much work probably puts me out of the running for a baby.

I'd be lying if I said it hadn't crossed my mind after we lost Shannon.  Of course I wish Erin had a sibling.  She was a great little sister and she would have made a great big one, too.  In hindsight, yes, now I wish we had had more children.  When Dan and I did make babies, we made cute ones if I do say so myself.  We've got the home videos to prove it.

But, at age 44 (almost), minus an ovary, plus cancer, and with a husband who was snipped, well, I'd say my baby making days have passed.

There will be no new baby and no new puppy, so we will have to fill our lives in other ways.  Carrying on Shannon's spirit.  Helping Erin chart her course and reach her potential.  Finding satisfaction in what we've accomplished, even though it's not exactly what we had planned.  And, when we need a baby fix, we can always go to the videotape...