Erin was having a bad day yesterday - she didn't want to talk and she was short with me and Dan. Why? Who knows. We always have this "thing" that we carry with us. Maybe Erin's mood didn't have anything to do with Shannon. Or maybe it had everything to do with it...
We'll never know what we would have been like if life had carried on in a normal manner. We all were changed - and damaged - by the loss of Shannon and sometimes, even 26 months later, it's hard to determine what's making us sad or mad.
It is a constant battle to let go of what we thought would be and accept what is.
In my bereavement support group, there are families at different stages of this journey. Some are newer on this path than me, but some have blazed the trail in front of me. One thing I've found - it's never over. This is how we live from here on out.
While that sounds daunting, there's comfort in that, too. We don't have to get over it. We never will. Whatever we feel, we feel. And whatever that is, it's ok. No one suffers the loss of a child and "gets over it". It changes your world and changes who you are.
When Erin's having a bad day, my mind wanders to Shannon and wonders if something set Erin off. A memory... or a mention of siblings... or maybe it was just annoying middle school boys!
Erin woke up this morning and she was fine. Kids are resilient. Adults, less so. I've been thinking about Shannon a lot this week. High school golf registration is under way. That was Shannon's one chance to be a Mayo Spartan. Another one of Shannon's good buddies got his driver's license this week. How fun it would have been for her to be tooling around town with her buddies.
So many thoughts about my girl. Missing her still. Always.
