Friday November 4, 2011

Keane's Hamburg Song brought me to tears this morning on my hike around the Willow Creek Reservoir with Sunny the wonderdog. Just caught me in a moment. It's a beautiful song;

I don't wanna be adored
Don't wanna be first in line or make myself heard
I'd like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life to make you feel loved

There was some serious autumn splendor out there with frost lifting and the sun coming over the horizon creating so many interesting patterns of shadow. Wildlife all around.  Sunny chased a raccoon up a tree. Sights, smells and then a really good song - I was vulnerable.

On the way home from hockey practice last night Shannon was quiet and when probed she admitted she was worried about the next MRI which will be administered later this month. She has been feeling pressure in her head. She talked about needing to make some balance adjustments recently to keep from stumbling. This was the first we had heard about this in weeks. Caught me off guard and when I tried to offer support or possible explanation she pretty much discounted my efforts and said,  "we don't know, we've never been through anything like this before". Nope, we haven't.

The fact remains that we have no idea when the other shoe will drop. To steal from a bit used over-and-over by our favorite radio personality The Common Man when discussing his his radio career; "Is this the beginning of the end?  The middle of the end?  Or the end of the end?"  We just don't know.  Not to make light of our situation, but it's impossible not to occasionally acknowledge the large shadow we have casting over our lives.

There are so many possible explanation for changes taking place that could cause some new head pressure, new balance changes, different feelings.  And some of the explanations could be extremely positive.  The tumor could be responding exactly as desired.  Is the fact that this is happening after 4 straight days of chemo, 5 cycles into this stage of the protocol a coincidence?  So let's pray on that.

It's a big stretch for Shannon's hockey team - the Rebels.  We face Apple Valley Saturday morning and Hastings Sunday night.  We have lots of games coming up.  Competing on the ice brings Shannon much joy.  Let's hope she's out there for all of it.