Thursday July 19, 2012

I still can't believe she's gone.

That thought runs through my mind about a million times a day.  But over the last 10 days or so the aftershocks of Miss Shannon's death have been felt by each of us in a big way.

Maybe its more on point to equate Shannon's passing to a tidal wave.  There is the underwater earthquake.  You know the waves are coming.  And they still catch you off guard.

The waves of emotion have hit Jen, Erin and me each in our own ways.  And on Monday night we felt them together then we spent the rest of the week trying to regroup and get ready for our family trip to the lake as a threesome.

There is also that July 29th date looming - the day Shannon would turn 14.

So out emotions and senses are heightened again just as they were in the days following Shannon's death.  But that has helped too.  Helped me remember.  Helped me stay grateful for the beauty in our world as I roamed the prairies of Southern Minnesota this week in search of sales.

Shannon's name came up often in my sales calls this week as I visited people that I have known for years.  Customers and friends that knew about Shannon's passing.  And some that didn't know and cried when I told them.

My wife Jen received a lovely note from Shannon's Aunt Jen this week acknowledging our continued grieving and Erin's first summer as an only child.  "I have been thinking of her a lot lately, how tough it must be, to be home alone without someone to fight/play with this summer.  I think about how much you must miss those sounds.  Those sounds of "summer" when you are a mom with kids."

Maybe that is what has us in a funk this week.  We miss the sounds, smells, smart-assed comments, and that beautiful perm-smile.  We miss it all.

We still can't believe she's gone.