Sunday September 11, 2011
My Pandora Radio is playing Gary Jules, Mad World. Seems appropriate today.
10 years ago in this day, I was home with toddler Shannon and infant Erin. Dan had just left for a trip to Iowa. I had been a stay at home mom for about 5 months - since the previous April when Erin was born. I often turned on the morning talk shows to keep me company, so I was watching the Today Show when the 9/11 attacks took place. But, every time Shannon started to pay attention to what I was watching, I would turn the channel. I didn't want my three year old asking me questions I couldn't answer. Trying to protect our little girls from the big, bad world...
Our weekend flew by, just like we knew it would. The girls played soccer under some extreme conditions with temps in the upper 80's both days. They played hard and we had fun watching them compete. I find myself not really caring about the outcome, and that's a new concept for me! I'm usually about as competitive as they come, but this weekend losing really didn't bother me. Whether it was Shannon or Erin or the Vikings or even Roger Federer, I just can't seem to get too riled up about it. A little perspective at work, I suppose.
Dan and I have a running joke - "Who's day did you ruin today?" Or, "Who did you make cry today?" Just a little gallows humor when referring to sharing Shannon's story. Suffice it to say, I'm winning this contest this week. (Ah, there's that competitiveness!) As I went back to work, I crossed paths with many familiar faces, including a lot of the ladies I teach on Friday mornings. I got a lot of hugs and kind words and prayers being sent our way. Same thing with the soccer parents who we haven't seen since last year. People want us to know that they care and they're rooting for Shannon. They want to listen if we want to share. And some people just need to shed a tear with us, and that's ok. Sharing Shannon's battle with others does lighten the load, but at the same time it's exhausting.
This week will be a test to see how much activity Shannon can handle on a post chemo week. She wants to practice soccer and play hockey back to back on both Monday and Wednesday. I wouldn't put it past her to pull it off. We will see the Hematology people on Tuesday for a weight check and blood counts. The plan is to hopefully taper the steroids to every other day, but we need to discuss that she's had a few headaches and this lingering ear pain.
Shannon was really tired tonight and she accepted my invitation to lie her head on my lap and let me rub her back for comfort. I could have done that for hours.
And now Pandora gives me Coldplay's The Scientist: "Nobody said it was easy, No one ever said it would be this hard, take me back to the start ..."
Posted by Jen