Thursday May 23, 2013

The Shannon tree in our front yard bloomed this week.  It's blossoms made me feel melancholy for some reason.  I guess it's a beautiful, sad reminder of a change in another season, of time marching on, of getting further down the road from Shannon.

Erin is reaching the end of her 7th grade school year.  10 days to go.  She has grown and matured and weathered some stormy times this year.  It is fun to watch your kids grow up.  We were talking about the things we want to do together, and we are becoming good friends.  She told me on the way home yesterday, "I speak highly of you, mom."  That's a two way street, my girl.  (As an aside,  I definitely need to get a job to finance the trips that Erin and I are planning to take!)

It's still hard that we didn't get to see Shannon grow and mature.  That is a part of parenthood that's expected.  You put in the hard yards - pregnancy, sleepless night with an infant, countless diaper changes, and the terrible get them ready for school and send them off to help them get through middle school and spread their wings in high school and college... you do all of this so you can see the people they become and then you know you did your job.  I still feel cheated sometimes.  And, I of course understand that my relationship with Erin is they way it is partly because Shannon is gone.  There's no denying that.

But, we accept that which we cannot change, and we make the most of life going forward.  I can still feel gratitude for where I am at, even on the days I struggle.  Dan and I are good.  Erin and I are good.  Dan, Erin and I are good.  Plenty of things in my life for which to be grateful.  

Tonight I am on the local 5 o'clock news to talk about the book and the upcoming launch event on May 30th.  I know it will feel good and positive to share our story.  I always feel uplifted after I get to share a bit of Shannon with someone.  She's still here with me in many ways.  I do hold onto that.

So, I've got 10 hours to figure out what I'm going to wear on air...I'm sure my girlfriend, Erin, will offer some friendly suggestions...