Thursday May 19, 2011

Some days are better than others.

Thursday started the 5th week of Shannon's healing.   For me this was a tough one.  And Shannon showed some signs of stress that to this point she has done really well to hide from us.

What bothered me the most was that I was a source of her stress.  She scolded me for suggesting to members of her healing team that there was fatigue denial in play.  She was pissed.  And being the mature adult I am - I pouted.  Then I got sad.

For the first time I got an up-close look at Shannon's hair loss as she showed Dr. Laack and our nurse practitioner Denise.  I was completely in denial about this and perhaps did not want to look hard enough to see it.  Shannon has been wearing her hair straight down some days and some days - like today - pulled back in a really cute little pony with a wide head band that does a great job of covering the scorched areas around her ears.  That's where for four weeks they've been pumping the highest concentrations of radiation into her perfect little skull.

And today when she pulled off her head band to show her radiation team I just lost it.  And I never recovered.  In the van on the way home my crying got Shannon crying.  I told her I was so sorry.  I was sorry that she had to go through this.  I was sorry that I couldn't do anything to help her.  I was sorry I couldn't keep it together all the time.  I felt so helpless. 

And what did Shannon do?  She comforted me by telling me it's impossible to go through something like this without crying sometimes.  She made it OK again.  And then we went home and napped together in front of the Twins game. Kicked Oakland 11-1...hello Justin Morneau!

Really, Thursday's meetings with her doctors went well.  Their message is consistent - get your rest.  Take it where you can get it.  It's OK to nap.  In fact, Shannon must nap. Especially if she wants to keep her activities going - which she does because Dr. Laack told her activity is good.  And Shannon is doing anything they ask of her.  Anything that helps her fight. 

This week's blood work was still within the normal ranges so Shannon gets to keep playing hockey.  This weekend she's been invited to play in a tournament with a Rochester-based summer hockey team - the Ice Bucks.  Our friend and the Ice Bucks coach Bob Montrose had given Shannon an open invite to come to play this weekend.  So we'll maybe give that a shot Saturday afternoon after the Fireballs make it three-in-a-row.  It's good to have goals.

Friday, Shannon has her last golf practice of the season - the Mayo High School girls will play a little 9-hole intrasquad scramble to mark the end of the JV and B-squad seasons.  The varsity girls will keep playing.  Watch out for the Spartans in Sections!

And you know what?  Everything is going to be OK.  Tomorrow I will do better!

Paolo Nutini is playing now..."why can't we just rewind..."