Wednesday March 28, 2012

I wish that there was a predictable pattern to grief. It is hard to accept that one day I might feel fine, maybe even consider myself happy on that day, and then the next day I can barely think straight and feel such sadness that it physically hurts. We expect "recovery" and "healing" to follow an upwardly linear pattern, but grief refuses to do so. It's quite a ride, to say the least ...

Another week is flying by and if Erin can make it through one more day, her spring break will commence. That's one of those markers in the school year - three quarters down, one to go. The beginning of our break will bring Grandma and Papa Harkins to town so they can be a part of the Bassmasters St. Jude fundraiser on Saturday.

Erin and her schedule continue to pull us forward and keep us moving. It is rewarding to see her blossom and grow and she's becoming quite a bit more social. She must be texting more often because the speed at which she types seems to be increasing each day!

We are learning to take whatever comes our way - whatever feelings, whatever memories - and accept them. The people around us - family and friends - are also accepting this roller coaster. As we work through our grief, we have carte blanche to feel however we feel. In a way, that's liberating. It's ok for us to be happy and it's ok for us to be sad.

We've referenced our daily meditation book that we read a passage from each morning. The author, Martha Whitmore Hickman, offered this thought:

"Nowhere more than here is it important to be patient with ourselves, not let ourselves be weighed down by the discouragements of yesterday. Each day is a new day, a fresh beginning. "

Grieving or not, those are words to live by ...