Sunday December 18, 2011

Trying to draw inspiration from my Ipod to help me through a tough night.  John Hiatt's Have A Little Faith In Me is helping...

When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
just let my love throw a spark
and have a little faith in me

when the tears you cry
are all you can believe
just give these lovin' arms a try baby
and have a little faith in me

I have been struggling all day and I don't think it is because of another Vikings drubbing or the last gasp from Dublin Danny's fantasy football season that are bringing me down. 

We had friends visit us in Memphis and we were given a preview of what reactions to us will be in the days ahead when more of our loved ones get to be with us - with Shannon possibly for a final time.  The visit was wonderful and our relationship with this family pre-dates kids or marriages - old friends.  What was painful was the goodbye when it just kinda dawned on all of us... you know.  Saying goodbye to people is going to be messy.  And now I am listening to Jason Mraz A Beautiful Mess.

Saturday was a pretty good day but Sunday Shannon struggled.  Her energy was low and it was obvious she was struggling tracking the action in a busy apartment with dogs and kids and a TV with football on and lots of conversation and white noise.  So she slept.  Later in the day she watched 60 minutes with just Jen and I and said it was easier watching a show like that than watching football.  I know that sucks for her - for us - because she loves watching sports and constantly commenting on everything (just like her Mom).

When Shannon was a little girl we used to dance around our Rochester house on 21st Ave - stereo cranked loud for Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's classic duet What You Gave Me;

Like a breath of spring you came
and as you leave I can only sigh your name
cries of anguish echo from way down
but never reach my lips to make a sound

Though it seems my world is crumblin'
Honey you don't owe me anything cause;
What you gave me girl is more than enough to last

Monday we're back at St. Jude's to see Dr. Wetmore and our team at E clinic.  Nothing major.  Just a check of vitals and a pee test for the trial.  I think there is stabilization.  The higher dose of steroids is probably making a difference.  But it's still a shocker to see the little battler so helpless. Maybe the chemo is zapping all her energy fighting.  Maybe it will get better...