Sunday night

I guess as a family we are in recovery. The hard work is underway. I was just reading about Minnesota Wild Coach Mike Yeo who has a phrase he comes back to often; "Whatever it takes, right?"

In terms of the hard work we are doing to keep plugging along, it's almost as though we are starting over. We need to go face everyone and every situation as a three-some. We need to find our stride as a family of three. Just like a dog with one of its limbs amputated we are a little out of balance. But eventually we will pick up speed and become deft again. Whatever it takes, right?

We returned to St. John's for mass Sunday morning - back for the first time since Shannon's funeral (putting those two words together still seems sureal). Our mood was somber. It seemed as though the whole mass was a little dour. At least with the people sitting around us there was not much kidding around. Normally, there is a fair amount of friendly banter, joking around and smiles. And maybe our perception is completely skewed. I just know Jen and Erin both agreed mass was a pain cave.

At the end of mass Fr. Mahon mentioned the funeral service and thanked the many volunteers that stepped up to help park cars, bake cookies, clean up etc. I just wanted to jump out of my pew and scream; "YES - THANK YOU"!! Because the parish outpouring was nothing short of incredible. We are extremely grateful. Fr. Mahon also acknowledged that he has received much feedback on what an incredible spiritual experience the funeral was for families of all denomonations. He did a great job.

Showing up for 9:30 mass this morning was a painful but necessary step in the process. Suit up and show up. After mass we hung out to chat with some friends - it was nice, pleasant. One friend - who is wise and knows all-too-well about the grieving process - offered us some sound advice. For one, take it one day at a time. But also she recommended at the end of each day try to think back on something good that happened that day. So Jane, here's what I'm hanging my hat on for this Sunday January 15 - the Green Bay Packers lost.

Bruce Springsteen is singing in my headphones; "Hey pretty darling don't wait up for me it's going to be a long walk home..."