Tuesday January 31, 2012

I am up in the middle of the night in room 100 at the Courtyard by Marriott in Bloomington Illinois.  I tossed and turned for a while but gave up and now will write a little and then get some work done. Maybe even jump on the treadmill for a few miles.  Haven't been doing that enough...

I was asleep for about 5 hours before a really vivid Shannon dream woke me.  She was getting dropped off in the driveway after a practice of some kind.  I couldn't wait to tell her about one of her friends that had survived local qualifying for the US Open.  But then I woke up...

Sunday I read through some of letters presented to us in a three-ring binder by the 8th graders at Willow Creek Middle School.  The "I heart Shannon" logo on the cover has been starting at me for days.  So I started paging through them. It didn't take long before I was covered in tears.  I went to Erin for comfort when I got to full sob.  She held my hand.

I have been absorbing bits and pieces of the many books and grieving resources we have been sent.  I don't know, maybe I have been floating down the river denial - I am trying to face this thing as often as I can.  But those letters just got me.  Over and over the same theme..."that smile"..."what a fighter"..."she always made me laugh"..."she was so smart"...

I'm reading that grief can overtake you at anytime and without warning.  For the first time Sunday I experienced that - the physical ache.  So, I got that going for me...which is nice.

Steely Dan playing on the Ipod now....Only a Fool Would Say That...

Team O'Hara is transitioning into a new day. Our downstairs remodel is underway.  The wood pellet fireplace is gone. The brown paneling is next.


I have a couple meetings today in the Land of Lincoln - but will return to sleep in my own bed tonight.  Expecting a high temp around 56.  Carole King's classic Home Again is up now;

Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to make it home again
It's so far and out of sight
I really need someone to talk to, and nobody else
Knows how to comfort me tonight

I know, I need to update my playlist...but the Steely Dan, Elton John, Hall and Oates, Bob Seger and Springsteen vinyl I wore out as a kid are like "comfort food" to me right now.

Time for some exercise.  I have about 120 days to train for the The Med City Half...