Wednesday January 25, 2011

"Mourning is the constant reawakening that things are now different" - Stephanie Ericsson

Things are different. We are here in the same space, the same town, the same house, taking the same routes, but things are different, we are different. We can keep the mind busy with activities and we do manage to laugh a bit each and every day. But, we also feel the deep, deep ache of loss that will take a long time to dull. Working through the loss of a child is a long process - not measured in days or weeks or even months.

Erin is doing some hard work on her thoughts and emotions and journaling a bit herself to help her sound out what she's feeling. She misses her best friend and their usual day to day interactions. There's no one to watch the latest Disney episode with... But, she's coping and going to school each day and her friends are stepping up and making plans to help keep things moving. Thank goodness she's got such good friends from good families who would do anything for our little E.

Dan is doing some local travel this week, but has been able to stay home each night which is nice after a long week out last week. Next week it will be back out on the road. He is able to concentrate long enough to do some work each day and prepare for the travels ahead. That's pretty impressive as I'm not sure I could do the same.

We've been occupying some of our time with making decisions on a family room re-model. We have had this in the plans and always knew that after a home hospice scenario, we would be ready to make some changes in that room. The way that room sits now, I can still picture the hospital bed ... so, now is the time. New carpet, new sofa, new paint and a fireplace update are on the wish list. It's fun to have a project on the docket and it's giving my idle mind a little content...

Speaking of home hospice, we received cards from our hospice nurse, Diane. One to Dan and I, but more importantly, one to Erin. Diane thanked Erin for snuggling with her during Shannon's final hours. Diane told Erin, "I really needed that." So kind.

Praise and kindness are pretty key for the three of us right now, especially towards each other. It's easy to pick out the things that we aren't doing well or to notice the struggles, but it's more important to look for the little triumphs. We tend towards sarcasm around here (no kidding!), but a little sincerity goes a long way right now. We are making a concerted effort to recognize the little bits of good in each day.